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    <title>Snow Line - Seasoning a Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place by adam amir - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2026-06-19T07:33:14+00:00</dc:date>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Within four vignettes, filmmaker adam amir takes his young son Rumi out to meet each season with annual practices welcoming the return of snow, migrating animals, cherry blossoms, and berries. 

In Snow Line, the first segment of the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, filmmaker adam amir and his young son, Rumi, climb the same mountain near Vancouver year after year to feel the impossibly vivid shift in color on either side of the snow line.

"Seasoning a Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place" by adam amir
https://emergencemagazine.org/feature/seasoning-a-kid/

CREDITS
Featuring Rumi Amir
Written, Narrated & Directed by adam amir
Produced by adam amir & Noal Amir
Executive Producer Emmanuel Vaughan-Lee
Director of Photography Adam Amir
Edited by adam amir
Original Music Composed & Performed by Phillip Hermans
Sound Design & Mix by  Phillip Hermans"

[See also:

"Meeting the Migration"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qal6X1DpyU

"In this second film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi go out to greet migrating animals arriving at stopover sites in British Columbia, camping underneath skies and beside waters as they fill with the vast, kinetic presence of sandhill cranes, snow geese, spawning herring, and all manner of Pacific salmon."

"Sakura"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTp0fclKG-M

"In this third film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and his young son, Rumi, revel in the days-long blooming of cherry trees in Vancouver. Opening the way to notice the myriad traditions that welcome spring in this landscape, this practice shows how we can connect with the seasons by both honoring the relationships that have existed for millennia and recognizing the new relationships taking shape in the land."

"Plucking as Prayer"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_wHKW3KyqQ

"In this final film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi celebrate the coming of berry season in Vancouver, BC. Gorging on an abundance of salmonberries, thimbleberries, strawberries, salal berries, blackberries, red, purple, and blue huckleberries, they bend, kneel, and offer gratitude in a practice where plucking becomes prayer."]]]></description>
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    <title>Sakura - Seasoning A Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place by adam amir - YouTube</title>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Within four vignettes, filmmaker adam amir takes his young son Rumi out to meet each season with annual practices welcoming the return of snow, migrating animals, cherry blossoms, and berries. 

In this third film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and his young son, Rumi, revel in the days-long blooming of cherry trees in Vancouver. Opening the way to notice the myriad traditions that welcome spring in this landscape, this practice shows how we can connect with the seasons by both honoring the relationships that have existed for millennia and recognizing the new relationships taking shape in the land.

"Seasoning a Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place" by adam amir
https://emergencemagazine.org/feature/seasoning-a-kid/

CREDITS
Featuring Rumi Amir
Written, Narrated & Directed by adam amir
Produced by adam amir & Noal Amir
Executive Producer Emmanuel Vaughan-Lee
Director of Photography Adam Amir
Edited by adam amir
Original Music Composed & Performed by Phillip Hermans
Sound Design & Mix by  Phillip Hermans"

[See also:

"Snow Line"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYjWtt0ItWM

"In Snow Line, the first segment of the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, filmmaker adam amir and his young son, Rumi, climb the same mountain near Vancouver year after year to feel the impossibly vivid shift in color on either side of the snow line."

"Meeting the Migration"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qal6X1DpyU

"In this second film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi go out to greet migrating animals arriving at stopover sites in British Columbia, camping underneath skies and beside waters as they fill with the vast, kinetic presence of sandhill cranes, snow geese, spawning herring, and all manner of Pacific salmon."

"Plucking as Prayer"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_wHKW3KyqQ

"In this final film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi celebrate the coming of berry season in Vancouver, BC. Gorging on an abundance of salmonberries, thimbleberries, strawberries, salal berries, blackberries, red, purple, and blue huckleberries, they bend, kneel, and offer gratitude in a practice where plucking becomes prayer."]]]></description>
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    <title>Meeting the Migration - Seasoning A Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place by adam amir - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2026-06-19T07:30:10+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qal6X1DpyU</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Within four vignettes, filmmaker adam amir takes his young son Rumi out to meet each season with annual practices welcoming the return of snow, migrating animals, cherry blossoms, and berries. 

In this second film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi go out to greet migrating animals arriving at stopover sites in British Columbia, camping underneath skies and beside waters as they fill with the vast, kinetic presence of sandhill cranes, snow geese, spawning herring, and all manner of Pacific salmon.

"Seasoning a Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place" by adam amir

https://emergencemagazine.org/feature/seasoning-a-kid/

CREDITS
Featuring Rumi Amir
Written, Narrated & Directed by adam amir
Produced by adam amir & Noal Amir
Executive Producer Emmanuel Vaughan-Lee
Director of Photography Adam Amir
Edited by adam amir
Original Music Composed & Performed by Phillip Hermans
Sound Design & Mix by  Phillip Hermans"

[See also:

"Snow Line"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYjWtt0ItWM

"In Snow Line, the first segment of the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, filmmaker adam amir and his young son, Rumi, climb the same mountain near Vancouver year after year to feel the impossibly vivid shift in color on either side of the snow line."

"Sakura"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTp0fclKG-M

"In this third film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and his young son, Rumi, revel in the days-long blooming of cherry trees in Vancouver. Opening the way to notice the myriad traditions that welcome spring in this landscape, this practice shows how we can connect with the seasons by both honoring the relationships that have existed for millennia and recognizing the new relationships taking shape in the land."

"Plucking as Prayer"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_wHKW3KyqQ

"In this final film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi celebrate the coming of berry season in Vancouver, BC. Gorging on an abundance of salmonberries, thimbleberries, strawberries, salal berries, blackberries, red, purple, and blue huckleberries, they bend, kneel, and offer gratitude in a practice where plucking becomes prayer."]]]></description>
<dc:subject>adamamir 2026 2025 children nature seasons outdoors place time experience parenting wildlife tradition traditions language berries animals multispecies morethanhuman unschooling education film land place-basedlearning place-basededucation learning howwelearn childhood vancouver britishcolumbia spring summer fall winter autumn land-basedlearning land-basededucation</dc:subject>
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    <title>Plucking as Prayer - Seasoning A Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place by adam amir - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2026-06-19T04:48:57+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_wHKW3KyqQ</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Within four vignettes, filmmaker adam amir takes his young son Rumi out to meet each season with annual practices welcoming the return of snow, migrating animals, cherry blossoms, and berries. 

In this final film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi celebrate the coming of berry season in Vancouver, BC. Gorging on an abundance of salmonberries, thimbleberries, strawberries, salal berries, blackberries, red, purple, and blue huckleberries, they bend, kneel, and offer gratitude in a practice where plucking becomes prayer.

"Seasoning a Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place," by adam amir
https://emergencemagazine.org/feature/seasoning-a-kid/

CREDITS
Featuring Rumi Amir
Written, Narrated & Directed by adam amir
Produced by adam amir & Noal Amir
Executive Producer Emmanuel Vaughan-Lee
Director of Photography adam amir
Edited by adam amir
Original Music Composed & Performed by Phillip Hermans
Vocals Performed by Riga Amir
Sound Design & Mix by Phillip Hermans
Additional Sound Recording by Sunny Tseng"

[See also:

"Snow Line"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYjWtt0ItWM

"In Snow Line, the first segment of the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, filmmaker adam amir and his young son, Rumi, climb the same mountain near Vancouver year after year to feel the impossibly vivid shift in color on either side of the snow line."

"Meeting the Migration"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qal6X1DpyU

"In this second film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi go out to greet migrating animals arriving at stopover sites in British Columbia, camping underneath skies and beside waters as they fill with the vast, kinetic presence of sandhill cranes, snow geese, spawning herring, and all manner of Pacific salmon."

"Sakura"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTp0fclKG-M

"In this third film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and his young son, Rumi, revel in the days-long blooming of cherry trees in Vancouver. Opening the way to notice the myriad traditions that welcome spring in this landscape, this practice shows how we can connect with the seasons by both honoring the relationships that have existed for millennia and recognizing the new relationships taking shape in the land."]]]></description>
<dc:subject>adamamir children nature seasons 2026 film morethanhuman multispecies time land place place-basedlearning place-basededucation education 2025 outdoors experience parenting wildlife tradition traditions language berries animals unschooling learning howwelearn childhood vancouver britishcolumbia spring summer fall winter autumn land-basedlearning land-basededucation</dc:subject>
<dc:source>https://pinboard.in/</dc:source>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.frontporchrepublic.com/2026/06/a-resurgence-of-educational-localism-a-review-of-skipping-school/">
    <title>A Resurgence of Educational Localism? A Review of Skipping School - Front Porch Republic</title>
    <dc:date>2026-06-17T10:52:45+00:00</dc:date>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Unusually for books on homeschooling, Skipping School is written for both scholarly and general audiences."]]></description>
<dc:subject>emilywenneborg homeschool unschooling education schooling schools dixiedillonlane history us children parenting miltongaither robertkunzman shawnpeters jamesdwyer dorothymoore raymondmoore johnholt hslda internet web online covid-19 coronavirus pandemic local localism</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://buttondown.com/monteiro/archive/how-to-remember-and-forget/">
    <title>How to remember and forget • Buttondown</title>
    <dc:date>2026-05-30T22:40:27+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://buttondown.com/monteiro/archive/how-to-remember-and-forget/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><dc:subject>mikemonteiro memory happiness 2026 forgetting life living parenting</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://austinkleon.substack.com/p/7-books-that-inspired-dont-call-it">
    <title>7 books that helped me learn from my kids - Austin Kleon</title>
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    <link>https://austinkleon.substack.com/p/7-books-that-inspired-dont-call-it</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Some recommended reading that inspired Don’t Call It Art"]]></description>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Nobody quite recovers from being a child: the asymmetry of power between parents and children always leaves a trace"]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.oaklandreviewofbooks.org/picky-book-review/">
    <title>Pickiness tastes like trauma</title>
    <dc:date>2026-05-12T04:15:02+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.oaklandreviewofbooks.org/picky-book-review/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["How American children became the fussiest eaters in history (and why they need to check their not-dying privilege)."]]></description>
<dc:subject>amybrown children parenting diet food pickiness trauma helenzoeveit industrialization taste senses emotions psychology johnharveykellog kellog's maha sylvestergraham history society</dc:subject>
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    <title>Children need stress and discomfort in order to grow up | Aeon Essays</title>
    <dc:date>2026-05-11T20:07:13+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://aeon.co/essays/children-need-stress-and-discomfort-in-order-to-grow-up</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["The emotional and practical skills of adulthood can only be learned from (appropriate) levels of discomfort and stress"]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://theconversation.com/denmarks-hands-off-approach-to-parenting-could-offer-a-blueprint-for-raising-more-resilient-self-reliant-kids-281485">
    <title>Denmark’s ‘hands-off’ approach to parenting could offer a blueprint for raising more resilient, self-reliant kids</title>
    <dc:date>2026-05-11T20:04:55+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://theconversation.com/denmarks-hands-off-approach-to-parenting-could-offer-a-blueprint-for-raising-more-resilient-self-reliant-kids-281485</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Much has been written about Denmark’s consistently high scores in global happiness rankings, so it might not come as a surprise that Denmark is also rated the best place to raise children, according to U.S. News and World Report. The small Scandinavian nation also scores near the top for child well-being, a measure of physical health, mental health, education and social relationships.

Government policies like generous parental leave, robust public investment in education and universal healthcare have certainly played a role in these rankings. Danes also score high on social trust, with 74% of Danes agreeing that most people can be trusted, whereas only 37% of Americans say the same.

But another factor could be contributing to Danish children’s well-being: They’re often encouraged to take part in risky, unstructured play.

This might seem at odds with a parent’s desire to do what they can to keep their kids safe. But as a native of Denmark and a psychologist, I’ve explored how the country’s hands-off parenting style may be one key to raising more resilient, self-reliant kids.

The benefits of unstructured play

Danes have two words for the English word “play.” There’s “leg,” which refers to unstructured play; and “spille,” which is used for games or activities with pre-established rules, such as playing soccer, chess or the violin.

Each type of play has benefits. But studies have shown that unstructured, spontaneous play requires more compromise and creativity, since kids have the freedom to change or make up the rules. Children learn to take turns and work through problems – skills that are harder to develop when adults step in or when the rules are predetermined.

Then there’s risky play, a form of unstructured play that involves exciting activities with a possibility of physical injury. On a playground, this might mean climbing tall towers, going headfirst down a slide or roughhousing. Off the playground it might involve building a fire, swimming, biking or using tools like saws, hammers and knives.

Norwegian early childhood education researcher Ellen Beate Hansen Sandseter pioneered the study of risky play. She’s explored its evolutionary functions – specifically, how it helps children become competent, independent adults. Other researchers have shown that risky play boosts mental health by teaching children to be more resilient and manage their emotions.
Positive risks vs. negative ones

When it comes to risky play, it’s useful to distinguish between positive risks and negative ones.

On a playground, a positive risk is a challenge that a child can recognize and decide to take. They can weigh if they want to try a zip line, or determine when they’ve reached their limit while ascending a climbing net for the first time. The goal is for the child to explore boundaries and learn to manage emotions like fear and anxiety. Sure, there’s the risk of scrapes and bumps. But success can breed more self-confidence.

A negative risk, on the other hand, is a danger that the child does not have the experience or knowledge to foresee. Using playground equipment that has rotted wood, wielding a tool like a drill without proper instruction or swimming in rapids could lead to serious accidents without any learning benefits.

Many playgrounds in Denmark are designed to encourage positive risks. The country has become known for its junk playgrounds, the first of which was created during World War II. These are play areas built with discarded tires, boards and ropes instead of fixed equipment. Kids are often given access to tools so they can build structures and remake the space on their own terms.
Black and white photo of boy kneeling in a ditch and using a hammer.

The point ultimately isn’t to put kids in harm’s way. It’s to let them explore on their own, test their limits and try new things.
The competent child

Of course, no parent wants to see their child get injured. But research suggests that Danish parents and American parents have distinct perceptions of risk – and different thresholds for what they consider dangerous.

One study compared U.S. and Danish mothers’ reactions to pictures showing a child engaged in 30 different types of play, such as sledding, biking, using a saw to cut wood and climbing a tall tree. It found that Danish mothers, on average, were more likely to say that they would be comfortable with their own child in these situations. In subsequent interviews, Danish mothers were also more likely to talk about practicing risky activities with their kids, such as how to use tools. (One described how she showed her 5-year-old to use an axe to chop wood.)

In fact, Danish daycares often teach children how to use a sharp knife, with some handing out knife diplomas once children have learned the skill. Learning how to ride a bike, meanwhile, can be practiced on what are known as “traffic playgrounds,” which have child-sized streets, bike lanes, traffic lights and signs.

This difference in risk tolerance could stem from differences in parenting approaches. Danish parents see their children as innately competent, meaning they trust their ability to navigate risks and challenges. Adults, in turn, try to create environments for these natural competencies to flourish; they work to encourage cooperation instead of using control.

In contrast, American parents are more likely to see kids as vulnerable and in need of protection. Mental health is a major concern, with 40% of American parents extremely or very worried that their child will suffer from anxiety or depression at some point, according to a 2023 Pew Research Survey. Somewhat ironically, kids who have less independence are more likely to have mental health challenges.

Letting kids take the lead can work well, but sometimes they can’t see or anticipate certain risks.

Danish youth, for example, drink more alcohol than their European peers. A recent survey showed that almost 7 out of 10 Danish ninth grade students had consumed alcohol in the last month, and 1 out of 3 had been drunk in the past month. One study found that Danish parents who are stricter about alcohol consumption are less likely to have teens who frequently drink. Danish culture, overall, has a very permissive attitude toward drinking alcohol, so those parents are few and far between.

Furthermore, Danish 10-year-olds have among the highest rate of smartphone ownership in the world, even as studies have shown that smartphone ownership among children is associated with higher rates of depression, stress and anxiety, as well as less sleep.

But these statistics don’t relate to risky play, which even emergency physicians and nurses champion. Instead, they show how permissive parenting styles can sometimes have negative effects.

The benefits of risky play – like learning to tolerate failure, distress and uncertainty – aren’t just important parts of being a kid. They’re important parts of being human."]]></description>
<dc:subject>denmark parenting children freedom autonomy unschooling 2026 resilience self-reliance childhood psychology permissiveness play spontaneity playgrounds informallearning informal howwlearn learning deschooling</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://open.spotify.com/episode/11zlpahmklfgr8YOUrtLnY">
    <title>Sara Hendren: Who Is the Built World Actually Built For? - Art of Inquiry | Podcast on Spotify</title>
    <dc:date>2026-05-05T14:11:09+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://open.spotify.com/episode/11zlpahmklfgr8YOUrtLnY</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Sara Hendren didn't start out in engineering. She started as a visual artist, then moved into cultural history, studying objects, artifacts, and what they say about the world that made them. Then life brought her into pediatric spaces filled with a new kind of object: gadgets and tools designed for a child's body, yes, but also doing quiet therapeutic work, covered in butterflies and bugs, useful and expressive all at once. She found herself asking: what is an object broadcasting beyond its user? What does it mean that eyeglasses get sold as fashion while hearing aids are hidden away as clinical? That was the moment everything snapped together, her training in the history of artifacts, the politics of disability, and the material culture of prosthetics all converging at once. In this free-flowing conversation, Sara walks us through the space between mechanical design and design for expression, why the logical and meticulous side of making art and the creative side of meaningful engineering are really the same instinct. As the world asks more and more from its engineers, Sara brings it all back to a question that feels more urgent than ever: can a designed object change not just how we move through the world, but how we see it?"

[via:
https://ablerism.micro.blog/2026/04/29/i-had-fun-speaking-on.html

"I had fun speaking on the Art of Inquiry, a podcast created by two Northeastern engineering students interested in the arts and humanities. My strange career path, my mentor Krzysztof Wodiczko introducing me to interrogative design, raising a child with Down syndrome, studio + lab culture, more."]]]></description>
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</item>
<item rdf:about="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbtAE1cV-hk">
    <title>Oly’s Dean | A Kid, a River and a Different Way of Growing Up - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2026-04-16T04:50:21+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbtAE1cV-hk</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Set along British Columbia’s remote Dean River, “Oly’s Dean” follows 9-year-old Oly Hickman as he moves through his family’s fishing lodge in the heart of steelhead country.

Each summer, anglers from around the world come to swing flies for the Dean’s legendary fish. Bears roam the shoreline. The river runs cold and clear. Oly, however, is just as content chasing toads as wild steelhead.

More interested in wanderings than trophies, he explores the wilderness on his own terms. At an age when his father, veteran guide Jeff Hickman, can turn him loose and trust him to be safe, Oly ties flies of his own design and learns the rhythms of lodge life in a place that rewards curiosity.

When he hooks and lands a chrome-bright wild steelhead on a fly he created himself, the moment feels less like conquest than connection. Through quiet observation, “Oly’s Dean” captures a childhood rooted in independence and stewardship—and parents learning to see the world with a renewed sense of wonder.

CHAPTERS
00:00 - Oly's World
02:00 - What a Kid Notices First
03:05 - Learning Lodge Life
04:55 - The Dean River and Its History
05:12 - Meet Jeff Hickman
06:08 - A Day in the Life of Oly
07:24 - Why This Place Is Different
08:16 - The Dean River - History and Conservation
09:19 - What Makes Steelhead Special
11:00 - Parenting on Your Own Terms
12:56 - The Mug Bug Is Born
14:24 - Fish On - Oly's Moment
15:45 - What It Was Really About
18:45 - How to Tie the Mug Bug with Oly Dean Hickman"]]></description>
<dc:subject>children nature land childhood parenting wildlife adventure 2026 britishcolumbia</dc:subject>
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</item>
<item rdf:about="https://aubreyhirsch.substack.com/p/chatgpt-dads">
    <title>ChatGPT Dads - Graphic Rage with Aubrey Hirsch</title>
    <dc:date>2026-04-11T06:23:21+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://aubreyhirsch.substack.com/p/chatgpt-dads</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["When Sam Altman said he “cannot imagine figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT,” it awakened an anger deep inside me that only internet bros can inspire. So I did what I do when I get angry and wrote a comic about it! Read on to hear all about the downsides of fathers outsourcing the mental work of parenting to AI. (Barf.)"

[viaL
https://2ndbreakfast.audreywatters.com/and-i-would-have-gotten-away-with-it-too-if-it-werent-for-those-pesky-kids/ ]]]></description>
<dc:subject>aubreyhirsch samaltman chatbots comics feminism ai artificialintelligence labor parenting children chatgpt openai</dc:subject>
<dc:source>https://pinboard.in/</dc:source>
<dc:identifier>https://pinboard.in/u:robertogreco/b:ea1e0a003d9d/</dc:identifier>
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</item>
<item rdf:about="https://www.frontporchrepublic.com/2026/04/the-age-of-ai-parenting/">
    <title>The Age of AI Parenting - Front Porch Republic</title>
    <dc:date>2026-04-09T20:27:18+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.frontporchrepublic.com/2026/04/the-age-of-ai-parenting/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Altman, while acknowledging that people can and have parented before AI, stated that he cannot imagine parenting without it."

...

"Parenting questions, according to reporter Adrianna Rodriguez, are popular among AI users. She lists several common ones: “Is my child hitting their developmental milestones?” “What should I do if my child has a fever?” “How do I handle toddler tantrums?” “Am I good parent?” This trend received more attention when Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI, confessed in an interview on The Tonight Show, with Jimmy Fallon, that he could not “imagine having gone through, figuring out how to raise a newborn without ChatGPT.” Altman, like many others, finds solace in the convenience and ease of AI, but depending on machines to mediate parental relationships carries many risks, among them the likelihood that children won’t trust or respect their parents and will go straight to the machines themselves.

Interestingly, AI is presented by both Rodriguez and Altman as a guide for parents with their many questions. This ever-present deity-like assistant never slumbers and can not only pull data down through the ages from all the experts but can also offer those tender words of comfort that parents need in difficult moments. Altman, in his interview with Fallon, described AI as a “general purpose sort of life adviser.” Here, the first threat is already establishing an afront upon the authority of the parent. While it is described merely as an adviser and assistant, it is no mere assistant and certainly not worthy of the title, adviser. Altman, while acknowledging that people can and have parented before AI, stated that he cannot imagine parenting without it. His world, including his very child, is only accessible through the power of a screen. Even though his child is only 8 months old, there is coming a day when the child will be able to process and understand not only his father but his father’s “adviser,” and the dividing line may not be so clear as Altman would believe.

Altman admits that he feels bad for using ChatGPT in his parenting, but this guilt seemed more due to his own questions than the fact that he was using it in the first place. His panic regarding whether his son was on track developmentally sent him not to a fellow human being, family or friend, but to his trusted adviser, ChatGPT. It is rather telling that Altman describes the answer that he got back as “great,” though it’s not clear what basis he had for this judgment. It’s doubtful he asked his own parents or a mentor about the merits of the machine answers.

Parents turning more to AI and less to family and friends are getting a poor substitute to fill our natural need for human connections. A child raised by ChatGPT-asking parents may well seek fewer human interactions than their parents, as they watched their parents building relationships with a machine instead of people. Altman is playing with the same fire as the parents in Ray Bradbury’s “The Veldt.” In Bradbury’s short story the parents experience a loss of connection with their children and lose any authority over them. Slowly, the children are consumed by the virtual reality like machine in their nursery, and in the end the parents are consumed by the machine at the wishes of the children. Technology dependence is not simply a worry for children but for adults as well. A parent’s overuse of technology, especially in parenting, threatens to blur the lines in our most natural relationships. What will happen as the child learns to ask ChatGPT instead of parents?

For Altman, AI might be an “adviser” or a personal assistant, but Altman’s child will perhaps see through the veil and find AI as the source of authority. Just as the parents allow more room for the computer program in “The Veldt,” so does AI continue to encroach upon human relationships and trust. Even in his own examples on the Late Show, Altman evaluates ChatGPT’s answers based on his life experiences and relationships that are not bound to a screen display. While he can apply such wisdom and questioning, it is not clear how future generations that grow up relying on AI for guidance will develop the broader awareness needed to test machine knowledge.

Here lies the danger for the generation raised by parents assisted by AI: where does it end? If the iPad generation has taught us anything it is that technology pushes into areas once reserved for parents and human relationships. Playtime is now for the computer rather than for the parent and child. Learning is now tapping a button rather than searching and wondering alongside other people. Humanity was created for dependence upon each other, but our greatest achievements currently replace opportunities to form relationships. If parenting relies on AI, then parents should not be shocked as their children go to AI rather than to their parents for meaningful answers to their questions.

After all, Altman’s child will eventually learn that his father finds him a very inefficient form of intelligence. As Altman explained to another interviewer who asked about AI’s energy usage, “it also takes a lot of energy to train a human. It takes like 20 years of life and all of the food you eat during that time before you get smart.” Altman’s child might have reason to doubt that someone who thinks like this would love him or care much about helping him develop as a person.

As the Tonight Show interview drew to a close, Fallon turned to any cons or worries that Altman had regarding AI, and his answer was the rate of change. Not change in general, only the current rates of change for AI. He is half right; the rate is worrisome, but the nature of change is just as worrisome. The nature of AI is to replace reality with its measurements and functions, and this is a poor trade. Altman and others have fooled themselves into believing that they have left the cave, but instead they have willingly chained themselves to the wall and gladly swapped the substance for the shadow."]]></description>
<dc:subject>jacksongreer samaltman ai artificialintelligence parenting children 2026 adriannarodriguez chatgpt</dc:subject>
<dc:source>https://pinboard.in/</dc:source>
<dc:identifier>https://pinboard.in/u:robertogreco/b:923d3d29e2c0/</dc:identifier>
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</item>
<item rdf:about="https://freddiedeboer.substack.com/p/when-people-say-they-want-good-schools">
    <title>When People Say They Want to Send Their Kid to a Good School, They Usually Mean Schools Without &quot;Bad Kids&quot;</title>
    <dc:date>2026-03-24T20:43:27+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://freddiedeboer.substack.com/p/when-people-say-they-want-good-schools</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["parents intuitively understand that a school's "quality" is a product of how its student body was selected"

...

"The notion that we should help students learn by purging the worst-performing, most-disruptive students is appealing to anyone who has ever witnessed a classroom torpedoed by a student who has no interest in learning, but of course it’s also dangerous. There’s an inherent inflationary tendency, when we’re defining the worst, least-committed students. Charter school roster-pruning can be, in some instances, sufficiently aggressive to root out students who have an interest in learning but limited talent. And those less-talented kids, below a certain age, have to end up somewhere; this is, indeed, core to the complaints of public school teachers, that they run the schools of last resort and are then blamed when many of their kids fail. From a broader perspective, we could be adults and admit that many parents who send their kids to private schools just want to avoid the “bad kids,” and that whether they admit it to themselves or not, they’re really talking about Black kids or poor kids. We had to have a Supreme Court decision outlawing segregation, followed by a massive desegregation effort that was never fully completed, because parents want their kids to be kept away from certain other kids. There is a more sympathetic version of this in the pro-charter-selectivity attitude, and as I’ve intimated, this version is very often made by Black parents who want their kids to escape their station. Whether we decide to give them what they want by engineering benevolent segregation or not, can we at least admit that that’s what we’re doing, and that the public schools who get their leftovers will inevitably look worse for that very reason?"]]></description>
<dc:subject>schools schooling parenting 2026 freddiedeboer education robertpondiscio learning howwelearn successacademy charters charterschools selectivity publicschools exclusivity privateschools zoning exclusion nclb geofreycanada harlemchildrenszone teaching howweteach pedagogy disruption behavior children jonathanchait segregation desegregation society inequality admissions demographics policy</dc:subject>
<dc:source>https://pinboard.in/</dc:source>
<dc:identifier>https://pinboard.in/u:robertogreco/b:da158314f581/</dc:identifier>
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<item rdf:about="https://sfstandard.com/2026/03/14/toddler-s-death-shook-now-s-walking-50-miles-sf-safer-streets/">
    <title>A toddler’s death shook him. Now he’s walking 50 miles around SF for safer streets</title>
    <dc:date>2026-03-16T00:17:37+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://sfstandard.com/2026/03/14/toddler-s-death-shook-now-s-walking-50-miles-sf-safer-streets/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["A dad says city leaders have talked about fixing dangerous streets for years. He wants to make them actually do it."

...

"What brought you out here today?

One of our favorite things about living in San Francisco is that you really don’t need a car. We walk everywhere, we take public transit. I’m out with my son all the time. A couple weeks ago I read about that little two-year-old girl killed crossing the street in Mission Bay with her mom. I just couldn’t shake it. I kept thinking about all the times I’ve been out walking with my son — cars come flying around corners, things happen so fast. When you’re out walking, you don’t have any power over it.

And then I started getting really frustrated.  Our city leadership talks about making streets safer for pedestrians, but they haven’t really implemented the changes they said they would. We know that slowing cars down makes a difference. We know more visible crosswalks make a difference. Mayor Lurie passed his Safe Streets initiative (opens in new tab) back in December — that was supposed to address some of this — but there’s just been no action yet. So I thought, maybe if I get out here and walk 50 miles, people will ask why some of our leaders can’t just put pen to paper and get this done.

Why do you think San Francisco remains so car-dependent, even with decent transit and walkable neighborhoods?

Cars and pedestrians are always going to coexist here. But we can do things like slow cars down, or not let them turn right while a crosswalk is active. That all adds up. Long-term, there’s just so much money in politics — car lobbies, driver lobbies — and there’s no money in people just walking around with their families. So time passes and nothing really changes. And it’s a dense city — second densest in the country after New York — so there are a lot of people out there, and a lot of potential for accidents.

When people say pedestrians share some of the blame — jaywalking, not paying attention — what do you think?

You have to take that argument all the way. Are blind people not supposed to be able to cross the street? They can’t see the traffic coming — the traffic has to be aware of them. If you’re in a car, you have more responsibility. Full stop."

...

"What does that worry actually look like day to day?

We’re super cautious — always paying attention, making eye contact with drivers before we step into a crosswalk. And I still don’t have enough fingers to count the number of times a car has come flying around a corner or run a red light and just barely missed us. Then you see people in the comments online saying, “Well, if the pedestrians had been more careful.” It’s not about that. Pedestrians are already afraid. It’s drivers who have the power.

What do you think about when you’re out walking on your own?

Sometimes music, I try to be present as much as possible. I love this city — there’s no place like it in the world. I find it a little ironic that the poorest neighborhoods tend to have the worst pedestrian infrastructure, and they’re also the places where I see the most people outside, in community, talking to their neighbors. Every part of San Francisco is worth knowing.

Do you have a favorite underrated spot to walk around in the city?

Candlestick Point — the rec area at the very tip of the city. It’s beautiful, and you can walk around the ruins of the old stadium. Nobody’s ever down there. Quiet, a little eerie, great for a picnic. And then all the way at the other end of the city, Lands End — everyone knows that one, but there are corners even there that most people walk right past."

...

"What’s your general philosophy on life?

I believe in being as prepared and informed as possible — especially with a kid and a family. But the bigger thing that’s changed for me is just being present. If I’m with my son, I’m with my son. I’m not on my phone. If I’m at work, I’m at work. Since I stopped splitting my attention between everything at once and just gave things their proper time, a lot has unlocked.

What do you have to look forward to in the future?

Spending as much time with my kid as possible. Watching him grow into his own person. I always say — I’m raising a human, not a mirror. If he’s into what I’m into, great. If he’s got his own thing, that’s great too. I just want to encourage him to be his own man."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://ablerism.micro.blog/2026/03/11/on-labels-and-kids-and.html">
    <title>Sara Hendren - on labels and kids and schools</title>
    <dc:date>2026-03-12T04:38:44+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://ablerism.micro.blog/2026/03/11/on-labels-and-kids-and.html</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["I need to write a long post about the many parents I know who come to me for advice about accepting an ADHD/related dx and the requisite IEP or 504 bureaucracy for their very average kids. It’s a well-meaning move from all parties to “do everything we can to help” by intervening. But the longitudinal data on labels [https://sites.ucmerced.edu/files/laura-hamilton/files/metzgerhamiltonadhd.pdf ] is pretty damning and on medication [https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2023/0300/lown-right-care-adhd-overdiagnosis.html ] is mixed at best. Again: good intentions from everyone. But parents need to be ruthlessly honest with themselves: Will intervening and saddling kids with labels really enhance the child’s school experience? Or will it salve a parent’s need to have a self-concept of Good Parent, one who Fights for the Child? Or will it solve a teacher’s (sometimes justified) need to have an optimized classroom? Those questions have very different protagonists. So much of parenting requires tolerating the inner uncertainty about how to attend closely to one’s individual children, including the attendance that is the most challenging and vital: watching, listening, and waiting."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRxBCd4q9Lc">
    <title>Why modern life is designed to keep you anxious — and what to do about it | The Gray Area - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2026-03-03T06:43:41+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRxBCd4q9Lc</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["We use the word “anxiety” to describe stress, dread, worry, panic, even vibes. Which just goes to show: We really don’t know what anxiety is, or where it comes from, or what we’re supposed to do with it.

Today’s guest is philosopher Samir Chopra, author of Anxiety: A Philosophical Guide. Chopra argues that anxiety is a permanent feature of being human and the price of being a free, self-conscious creature in an uncertain world. Sean and Samir talk about the difference between fear and anxiety, why modern life seems engineered to keep us on edge, and what Buddhism, existentialism, and Freud can teach us about the anxious mind.

Host: Sean Illing (@SeanIlling)
Guest: Samir Chopra, author of Anxiety: A Philosophical Guide

1:22 What is anxiety?
9:30 Are we an anxious generation?
13:05 Buddhism and anxiety
18:55 Acceptance vs. resignation
22:05 The existentialist view on anxiety
26:50 Freud and the psychoanalytic view of anxiety
30:23 How can philosophy help you with anxiety?
31:56 Practical advice for dealing with anxiety"

[Lauren Berland, affect theory, and cruel optimism not mentioned within, but I was thinking of all that as I listened, so those tags are for that.]]]></description>
<dc:subject>seanilling thegrayarea 2026 samirchopra anxiety philosophy buddhism acceptance stress worry dread fear life living interdependence interconnected interconnectedness existentialism freud resignation consciousness psychology finance panic vibes time presence future human humanism curiosity control change everythingchanges modernity humans parenting thinking howwethink wonder awe terror freedom activism problemsolving uncertainty complextity inquiry emotions society affect crueloptimism affecttheory mind signalanxiety power loss relationships love hope security suffering outdoors prescribingnature death dying social embodiement boides mindfulness culture sublime present mysticism beauty selflessness objects</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://emergencemagazine.org/essay/the-springing-time/">
    <title>The Springing Time – Melanie Challenger</title>
    <dc:date>2026-03-01T21:09:34+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://emergencemagazine.org/essay/the-springing-time/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["While more-than-human beings adapt to ecological changes like earlier springs by adjusting their rhythms and behaviors, Melanie Challenger asks, can we learn from them how to bring our bodies into a more direct conversation with the seasons?"]]></description>
<dc:subject>2026 melaniechallenger seasons time bodies ecology slow small morethanhuman multispecies ulfbüntgen nature outside outdoors indoors inside dst knowledge patwillmer life living spring purpose howwelive organisms biology science human humans survival sensitivity flexibility change attention adjustment pollution libertarianism neolibertarianism ideology phenology children wilderness disinformation arctic inuit indigeneity indigenous biorhythms puberty hormones patterns cycles plants pollinators climate climatechange springtime insects environment sun ethics utility function metabolism flourishing cuklture cultures anthropocene economics economicgrowth growth nihilism optimism mortality interdependence parenting joy grief reality daylightsavingtime</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://overthefield.substack.com/p/enthralling-little-minds-with-nature">
    <title>Enthralling Little Minds With Nature - by Hadden Turner</title>
    <dc:date>2026-02-21T07:27:15+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://overthefield.substack.com/p/enthralling-little-minds-with-nature</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["How to encourage children to take up natural history hobbies"

...

"Receiving a gift is a special and significant moment, a moment that may lead to great rewards, but a moment the receiver nevertheless possesses little control over. Gifts are often unexpected, undeserved, and, until the moment we receive them, unknown. We do not get to decide what we are given, or even if we will be given the gift in the first place; those decisions are in the hands of the giver alone. That being said, we do have control over two critical decisions in relation to a gift: whether we will accept it, and, more importantly, what we will do with it

When given with wisdom, generosity, and thoughtfulness, and when received with gratitude, gifts are powerful things. The most thoughtful and substantial ones may even change the life of the recipient — if, that is, they use it well. I have been fortunate to receive such a gift: a little green book my great grandmother gave me on my fourth Christmas. Neither of us knew at the time just how profoundly this little book was to set the course for the rest of my life; but for those looking on, the tell-tale signs that this was going to be a significant gift were plain — namely, my delight, captivation, and crucially, the subject of the book itself.

The little green book was a bird book, a most wonderful volume, filled with colourful illustrations of British birds alongside easy to understand facts, figures, and symbols. It was my very first field guide — an indispensable companion for any birdwatcher — and, for little Hadden, it was my window into the new and exciting world of ornithology; a world I am still exploring the length, breath, and depth of, and a world which continues to bring me delight with every new discovery that greets my eyes.

Not only had my great grandmother given me a thoughtful gift. She had given me something far greater than that; she had gifted me a hobby — and one which was set to develop into a core part of my life’s vocation as a naturalist.

***

As I have reflected on why this particular gift had such a profound and lasting impact on me, the factor I have concluded to be the most important is the young age at which I received it. Anyone who has had the privilege of spending time in the company of excitable little children will be well aware that their capacity for awe and enjoyment is relentless and infinite. Need I say more than “Do it again!”. This innate capacity for being enthralled is like dry kindling; all that may be required to ignite the flames of interest, captivation, and delight in their little hearts is a small spark of intrigue. There are few better and more effective sparks in this regard than the endless diversity and abundance of creatures in the natural world. All it may take is the sight of one lizard, one butterfly, one creepy crawly, or one beautiful kingfisher (which was the spark for me), to make a child tremble with delight and, perhaps, set in motion a chain of events that culminate in the adoption of a worthwhile hobby that continues to delight them for the rest of their lives.

At this point, I expect two questions are occupying in the minds of any parents, grandparents, and elder siblings who are reading this. “How can we best instil this delight for nature and the wilds in the hearts of our little ones?” and “How can this spark of delight be fanned into an enduring passion?” Concerning these questions, I have much to say, but I will focus my efforts in this piece on outlining what I believe to be the most effective strategies and helps from my own experience.

But before we even begin to consider our children and young ones, we must consider ourselves. It is difficult to pass on a passion and a hobby if we are not enthused by it ourselves. Children are born imitators; if we are bored by nature, it is likely so too will they. If we do not know the names of the creatures we are looking at, our children will also remain ignorant. If we find nature or certain creatures dirty and disgusting, our children will be trained to despise these things too. Our own personal relationship to the natural world may be the biggest help or the biggest hindrance to our children’s delight in it.

I firmly believe the natural world is one of God’s greatest gifts to each and every one of us. It is something which has been expertly designed to delight us and is one of the purest and most natural sources of human enjoyment there is. As delightful as honey is to our tongue, beautiful creatures should be to our eyes. I will even go as far as to say I believe there is something wrong with the person who stands unmoved by natural wonders both great and small or the one who persistently ignores the natural beauty and wonder all around them. If we never take time to “consider the birds” or “the lilies of the field”, then we are missing out on something we were made for and are ignoring God’s masterpieces. It is like someone spending all their time looking down at the floor whilst in the Louvre. With those who find nature boring or not worthy of their attention, it suggests to me that their affections and attentions are disordered and immature — especially so if they are captivated instead by triviality and the base things of this world.

I stress I am not arguing here that everyone must take up wildlife watching as a hobby or devote many hours of our lives to field craft. I do, though, believe all of us should, at the very least, be interested in nature, and that we should all take the time to appreciate, enjoy, and know a bit about the good creaturely gifts around us — and then make sure we fulfil our responsibility to pass this appreciation and awareness on to our children. I say all this because enjoying creation is part of what we were made for and is one of the greatest gifts we can give to our children — especially so when we do all this alongside them somewhere out there in the wonderful wilds.

A problem, though, that hinders us from noticing and delighting in nature is that we are daily flooded with an endless barrage of other distractions for our attention, most notably the great mass of trivial media on our screens. A substantial part of our efforts to cultivate our own delight in nature will, therefore, necessarily involve subduing these digital predators of our affections and attentions. For some, this may require radical action: prolonged digital fasts or permanent abstentions from some forms of digital media. For others, it will certainly involve retraining the direction of our instinctive gaze in those moments of transition and dead time: up towards the sky and trees or down to the flowers and the fields instead towards the screens in our pockets. This subduing and rejection of the digital becomes all the more vital with regards to our impressionable little ones. Thus, the primary piece of advice I will give for cultivating a love for nature is this: as far as it is possible, keep the screens away from your children.

As I have mentioned, young hearts and minds are highly impressionable and easily captivated. Whilst these dispositions are a great help in cultivating a love for nature, they also fraught with danger; children can be just as much captivated by screens, cartoons, and video games than they are by living and moving creatures. Even worse, it is likely that screens and media rank among the most potent forms of captivation, seeing as they are designed by their makers to be as addictive as possible. As moths are attracted to lights that give them no sustenance, children are all to easily attracted to screens that enthral them with nothingness and triviality. So, as far as it is possible, keep young eyes away from screens. By doing so you will give nature a chance to capture their attention instead.

This will not be easy. Screens and distractions surround those of us who live in urban environments, and even in our homes, the temptation of the screen is often ever-present. Keeping young eyes averted will be an uphill struggle; it will require will power, wisdom, and crucially, consistency. This is my second piece of advice: be consistent in exposing children to nature.

Not only will regularly going out into nature keep your children far away from the domain of the screen, but I have found that it is consistency above all else that nurtures competency and delight with regard to wildlife watching. Many are the hours I have spent since my youth out in the field, getting to know the names and identification features of many different species and becoming well aquatinted with their habits and behaviours. This consistent exposure to nature has matured into competency, and competency has matured into instinct. I now immediately know when entering a new environment what species are likely to be present, know without a second’s thought the identification of most of the birds I encounter even from a distance, and know how to interpret much of the behaviour and patterns I witness in the wilds.

The above are the marks of a well-trained naturalist but these instincts take time to form. There are no short cuts; hours upon hours of field work is necessary and so too are endless reserves of patience (for any birdwatcher, many hours will be spent looking at bushes waiting for yet-to-be-identified brown little birds to appear). But great are the rewards. My wife likes to joke I can never be bored wherever I am, for there is always something for me to see, enjoy, and know more about. She is right — and for this I have all those hours out in the field to thank.

I come next to competition, though with some degree of hesitancy. Great care needs to be taken in this regard so as not to encourage an overly competitive or acquisitive engagement with nature, perhaps best characterised by the most die-hard and compulsive “twitchers”1 who wish merely to see as many different species as possible. All they are interested in getting that all coveted tick in their books by any means possible (even to the detriment of the welfare of the creature in question) and then moving on to the next species. In effect, this is a form of “nature consumerism”, and it can be incredibly ugly.2 However, only the most addictive of temperaments will fall into this trap, and encouraging a bit of harmless competition, such as trying to find as many species as you can in a day, puts some stimulating fun into nature. Keeping a record of species seen in a book or field guide is also a great way to inspire children to want to see more and more of nature, which, in turn, will require spending more time in the field and travelling to new habitats if rarer species are to be ticked off.

Competition may well, then, provide the spark of inspiration and enjoyment necessary to delight children with nature and to keep them enthralled. If it leads them on to greater knowledge and understanding of the natural world and greater competencies in identification and field work, then I am wholly supportive of a bit of harmless competition. And perhaps, before you know it, you will have a competent little naturalist at your side who is teaching you a thing or two and who is spotting rare creatures before you do.

I now come to my final piece of advice. It is the simplest but perhaps most effective: do what my great grandmother did and give them a gift. A pair of good binoculars, a magnifying glass, a bird guide or a butterfly net. Give the children in your lives a gift that opens up new worlds of delight and wonder and encourage them on in the hobby you have gifted them. Provide them with first little spark that may grow into the flame of a fully-fledged and enduring passion; a passion that will delight them for a lifetime.

Nature is struggling in our modern and industrialising world — severely so. Many species are declining at rates which ought to make us ashamed, pollution is affecting almost all natural habitats, and vast numbers of creatures are being made homeless on a daily basis by our industrial and economic actions. So much of this destruction and loss is allowed to happen because we do not see and enjoy the creatures around us, for, as the general principles tell us, what we do not see we cannot care for; what we remain in ignorance of we cannot defend; and what we do not love we will have no motivation to protect. Thus, it may well be that the greatest work of conservation in our age is done when a grandparent gives their grandchild a bird book for Christmas. For this seemingly small and insignificant event may just be the spark that first ignites the passion of the great naturalists and conservationists of the future."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://buttondown.com/monteiro/archive/how-to-raise-children/">
    <title>How to raise children • Buttondown</title>
    <dc:date>2026-02-14T06:48:26+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://buttondown.com/monteiro/archive/how-to-raise-children/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["My daughter turns 3 this month. I want to help her have fewer troubles than I did by teaching her about boundaries, values, independent thinking etc. I think if more kids learned this stuff, we’d have more good humans and fewer jerks. What do YOU think every kid should grow up knowing?

Every kid should grow up knowing they are loved.

Everything else is pretty close to a rounding error. Ok, maybe not a rounding error. I’m exaggerating to make a point. But honestly, there is nothing a child needs more in life than knowing they are loved. Love can make up for a lack of a lot, but a lack of love is very hard to make up for.

Regular readers of this newsletter will now be familiar that I didn’t grow up in the best household. I grew up in an abusive household. I also grew up poor. And when I look back on my childhood, growing up poor wasn’t really a big deal. It was just a fact of life. And to be clear, poor is very subjective. We always had a roof over our head. We didn’t miss meals. I knew we were poor because every Sunday my parents would pile us in the car and go for a drive around the rich neighborhoods in town, getting progressively more upset about our own circumstances, and blaming each other—and their kids—for not being able to live in one of those fancy houses. Meanwhile, my brothers and I sat in the back seat, being as quiet as possible so as to not draw my father’s growing anger. We didn’t know we were poor until my father started hitting us for being poor.

I’ll tell you a story, but first—some cultural background: in Portugal, where my parents grew up, if you had a house for rent you’d make a paper cutout and tape it to the windows. (This was pre-internet, obviously.) The cutout could be any of a number of things, probably made by whichever kid the landlord deemed to be “the artistic one.” No, I don’t know how this started, and it’s not the point of our story so I’m not looking it up.

One Sunday afternoon, we’re driving around doing our routine wealth tourism on The Mail Line, and my dad stops the car. He pulls over.

“Go see if that house is for rent.”

I turn towards the house he’s pointing at. This thing was an old-school two-story mansion. Very old-Philadelphia money. Whoever built it probably has their name on a hospital now. Anyway, I ask him why he thinks the house (that we obviously cannot afford) is for rent.

“You see the cut-outs on the window?”

“Yeah, it’s Christmas. Those are snowflakes.”

The slap came before I finished the sentence. Followed by the scream to get the fuck out of the car and do what I was told. So off I went, crying. I rang the doorbell. Some unsuspecting stranger opened the door, wondering why some crying kid was standing there and asking if the house was for rent, even though I knew it was not. He seemed understandably confused, but politely told me it was not, then closed the door. Receding, I’m sure, to a nearby curtain that he could peek out of. (Or possibly straight to the phone to call the police about immigrants in the neighborhood.) I walked back to the car, knowing what was coming. And when I told him the house wasn’t for rent, sure enough—it came. Right across the face. We drove home in silence, where he dropped us all off and went off to do something else with people who were not his family, who he hated.

So yeah, when I think back on growing up, it’s not the lack of anything—except the lack of love—that I think about. Love and safety. Made all the more worse because every once in a while I’d get a glimpse of what those things were like. Sometimes he’d come home in a good mood. Sometimes he’d muss my hair on the way in. But those times were rare, but the fact that they existed at all let me know that they were possible, which made it that much crueler.

Fast forward decades to a therapist’s office where my therapist—who I’m sure isn’t reading this—is telling me that my own relationships are falling apart because how am I supposed to love anyone else when I never learned what love was like growing up. (Yes, my therapist is RuPaul.) If you were raised in a similar environment, please believe me when I tell you that it is never too late to learn how to love. You don’t have to carry your parents’ sins into your relationship with your own children.

Every kid should grow up knowing they are loved.

Telling a child you love them is free.

Also, while I by no means an expert in the field, and my opinions should be treated with much salt, I tend to believe that children are born good. They’re born full of love. They’re born full of confidence. (How fucking confident do you have to be to take that first step?!) They’re born curious. They’re born wanting to be part of a community. It’s not so much that we need to teach them these things, as much as we need to encourage them to keep believing these things. And protect them from people who would work to destroy those things.

Yes, this is about AI. The AI industry can only succeed if it separates people from their joy and their confidence. An industry run by people who were not raised with love, attempting to steal it from others.

I’ve written about this before, but every child is born loving to draw. They draw on everything. They demand crayons in restaurants. They draw on your walls. You should let them do so. Fuck your walls. It’s easier to eventually paint over a wall, than to rebuild a child’s confidence.

It’s wild to me that we parent our children to fit into society, then get together with our friends and talk about how broken society is. I’ve seen people rail against our broken educational system, then demand their children get straight As in school. I’ve seen people complain about not having any time to themselves and then schedule every minute of their kid’s life.

There is more we can learn from children than they can learn from us.

Mostly we need to support children and let them know that they are loved. Children are so ready to love you back. For every cruel thing my father did to me, anytime he walked through the door and mussed my hair I was ready to give him another chance. I was so ready to love him.

Congratulations on your daughter turning three. The fact that you’re worried about this stuff is usually a sign that you’re on the right path. The funny thing about parenting is that the people who are most worried about messing it up, are the ones most likely to get it right. I’m old enough that I’ve seen a lot of my friends have kids, and those kids are now adults in their own right. And one of the first things I noticed was that the folks who were the most chaotic, the most fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants, the most worried about fucking things up… they were the ones who ended up incorporating their kids into their messy lives, encouraging them to be themselves, giving them the space to be curious, to climb trees, to draw on the walls, to ask their neighbors for help. And ultimately, hold everything together with love. While the friends who made plans, and spreadsheets, and made lists of goals, and fretted about their kids not being able to tie their shoes yet, or read at a certain level yet—and by the way, I totally understand wanting to do these things, and worrying about these things—they were so concerned with how things were supposed to be going that they totally missed how things were actually going. Which is that this new amazing human was unfolding before your eyes, and while it might not be the human you were expecting… aren’t they amazing?!? And if you don’t understand them, well child what happened to your curiosity?!

Your kid is going to be alright. With enough love, your kid is going to be alright.

Don’t judge your children, love them. Because they will, in turn, love you back. And when they do—holy fucking shit, it’s just amazing.

My daughter’s coming over for dinner tonight. I can’t wait to hug her and tell her I love her.

I love you for asking this question."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.christianitytoday.com/2026/01/daniel-nayeri-teacher-of-nomad-land-everything-sad/">
    <title>Christian Writer Daniel Nayeri Dreams from Home - Christianity Today</title>
    <dc:date>2026-01-25T03:53:28+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.christianitytoday.com/2026/01/daniel-nayeri-teacher-of-nomad-land-everything-sad/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Fear of boredom fits Daniel as naturally as the leather jacket he wears while riding his motorcycle up and down the street for us to take pictures. When Daniel was my age—late 20s—he “wanted nothing more than to be a travel writer,” he said, journeying to exotic locations and penning pieces for Outside Magazine and National Geographic. He wanted to be the Anthony Bourdain of desserts, seeking out the best confections, smiling at the camera. But he doesn’t ride much anymore. When he’s not traveling for work, he’s content to stay home.

The man who longed to live out of a suitcase has become a homebody. He has his fitted-out kitchen, a room full of board games, a space for his son’s homeschooling, his writing shed. Why leave?

In his what-makes-a-house-a-home criteria, Kingsnorth listed “the coming together of man and woman in partnership,” “the education of children,” the “cooking, storing, and eating of food,” and the limiting of technological distractions. Daniel and his family check the boxes of Kingsnorth’s rubric, though they aren’t Luddites. Alexandra has an iPhone, and their son has a Nintendo Switch, but nobody texted during meals. They’ve learned how to keep the hearth burning without completely eschewing technology.

Before my friend and I left, Daniel pulled out puff pastry, spinach, and mushrooms to make lunch. His son put on music full of synth and drums. Someone tossed me an apron. As I helped cook, dancing around the kitchen with Daniel and his family, I was invited into their circle of warmth.

Really, I already had been invited into it, before I even bought my plane ticket. Anyone who has read Daniel’s writing can feel the heat radiating from his words, whether he tapped them into an iPhone in New York or scrawled them in a leather journal in South Carolina. With Daniel’s characters, I’ve traveled the 11th-century Silk Road and navigated a bus ride to school in Edmond, Oklahoma. But the fuel propelling his adventures has always been the desire for home.

Through both his work and our weekend together, Daniel taught me that making a house a home doesn’t mean insularity or avoidance of the world. He’s curious and free-spirited. But when he’s under the copper gutters, he turns his attention not toward a screen but instead toward his family, the blank page, or the mound of flour in front of him. In fact, it’s his rootedness that allows him to write such great adventures. As Kingsnorth observes, sitting in a smoky living room can be the precondition for the best folk tales and songs. And when it comes to pulling chairs around the coals, Daniel isn’t selfish. He extends hospitality physically with his scones and figuratively with his stories.

There’s something else essential to hearth-centered homes—something Kingsnorth, though himself a Christian, didn’t mention in his lecture. Daniel and his family are believers. Along with two millennia of Christians, they believe in God the Father Almighty, in Jesus Christ our Lord, in the Holy Spirit. With Dostoevsky’s characters, they believe like children that all the suffering and absurdity of this life will be justified. And with Samwise Gamgee, they believe that all the sad things will come untrue. That’s the story underneath all the other stories that keeps the embers burning. The church is their spiritual home no matter their geographical location. It’s mine too."]]></description>
<dc:subject>danielneyeri 2026 christianity parenting homes paulkingsnorth traditionalism iran dostoevsky brotherskaramazov</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yVJffNplJc">
    <title>The New Satanic Panic Is Here - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2026-01-24T17:16:13+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yVJffNplJc</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[[See also:
https://www.usermag.co/p/the-new-satanic-panic-is-here ]

"Are Smartphones & Social Media Really Causing a Teen Mental Health Crisis?

Are smartphones and social media actually destroying teen mental health, or is this just another moral panic? I critically examine the growing narrative that phones, apps, and screen time are responsible for rising anxiety, depression, and harm among teenagers. 
 
These claims, popularized by politicians, journalists, interest groups like the Heritage Foundation, and authors like Jonathan Haidt (The Anxious Generation), are being used to justify mass surveillance laws, deplatforming marginalized people, and implementing policies that actually harm kids and reward big tech. 
 
They allow lawmakers to scapegoat users, and institute draconian surveillance laws instead of enacting meaningful regulation. Haidt and others boosting this moral panic have pushed debunked claims about how social media can turn kids LGBTQ. Haidt has pushed false and misogynistic claims that young liberal women suffer from more "anxiety." He is on the board of Bari Weiss' unaccredited reactionary right wing University. 

Using peer-reviewed studies, media analysis, and real-world examples, this episode breaks down:

- Why smartphones became the default scapegoat for teen mental health
- How correlation is repeatedly confused with causation
- Ho weak and misleading data is driving major public policy decisions
- How moral panics spread through podcasts, news media, and social platforms
- Who is actually harmed by phone bans and social media crackdowns
- Why girls, LGBTQ youth, and marginalized teens are the most harmed

I also explore how internet scares like the Momo Challenge illustrate the dangers of fear-based policy making, and why banning technology doesn’t solve any of the root issues of kids' mental health issues like social isolation, economic stress, lack of mental health care, and inequality.

If you’re interested in:

- Teen mental health
- Social media & smartphones
- Internet culture and moral panics
- Education policy and school phone bans
- Digital rights and youth safety

this video will challenge what you’ve been told by the mainstream media, but please keep an open mind!"]]></description>
<dc:subject>taylorlorenz 2026 socialmedia jonathanhait web internet online mentalhealth conservatism censorship inequality momochallenge smartphones moralpanic mashablackburn lgbtq policy bariweiss heritagefoundation anxiety reactionaries screentime depression teens youth research media technology change history novels comicbooks comics telephones phones television tv radio fredricwertham children childhood adolescence addiction beepers columbine videogames games gaming bans tiktok isolation fear danahboyd mobility walkability suburbia freetime leisure homework play parenting panic surveillance economics wealthdisparity work labor pandemic covid-19 coronavirus misogyny rightwing right recession economy unemployment instability capitalism publicpolicy poverty precarity guns stress mainstreammedia social connection</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.plough.com/en/topics/life/parenting/the-baby-we-kept">
    <title>The Baby We Kept: Our son Yusang has Down syndrome. He saved another child’s life. by Heonju Lee</title>
    <dc:date>2026-01-23T05:55:35+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.plough.com/en/topics/life/parenting/the-baby-we-kept</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Our son Yusang has Down syndrome. He saved another child’s life."]]></description>
<dc:subject>heonjulee downsyndrom parenting 2026 life living</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://patrickfarenga.substack.com/p/the-empty-rituals-of-schooling">
    <title>The Empty Ritual of Schooling (Part One)</title>
    <dc:date>2026-01-12T22:08:35+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://patrickfarenga.substack.com/p/the-empty-rituals-of-schooling</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[[See also:

"The Empty Ritual of Schooling, (Part Two)"
https://patrickfarenga.substack.com/p/the-empty-ritual-of-schooling-part

"The Empty Ritual of Schooling (Part Three)"
https://patrickfarenga.substack.com/p/the-empty-ritual-of-schooling-part-cdc ]]]></description>
<dc:subject>patfarenga school schooling education children 2026 johnholt us history society policy nclb rttt essa nationatrisk 1983 1968 bilingualeducationact 1965 2001 1994 2009 2015 howwelearn learning howweteach teaching jonathanhaidt cevisoling childhood parenting politics</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://chrishubbs.com/2026/01/08/when-christian-parenting-leaves-families/">
    <title>When &quot;Christian Parenting&quot; leaves families without the skills for actual relationships | Chris​Hubbs​.com</title>
    <dc:date>2026-01-10T23:52:37+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://chrishubbs.com/2026/01/08/when-christian-parenting-leaves-families/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["ust had one of those “wait, what did they say?” followed by quickly skipping back, re-listening to the moment a few times, and then transcribing it to put it here.

From the Gravity Commons Podcast episode with authors Kelsey McGinnis and Marissa Burt titled “The False Promises of Good Christian Parenting”, the authors discuss the damage that Christian Parenting books of the 1970s and 1980s have done to Christian parents and children. The focus on immediate, unquestioning compliance, enforced by spankings which were done under the guise of ’love’ not only created lots of confusion about what “love” actually looks like, but (and here’s the part that made me hit pause and rewind) failed to provide parents the tools for actually connecting with their children and those children’s needs.

From about 30 minutes into the podcast:

<blockquote>Kelsey: [This parenting philosophy is] completely opposed to healthy connection; it prevents parents from responding to the child who’s in front of them; instead they rely on these scripts and these ideas and this ideology offered in these books, and you end up with this inability to just relate to the individual child and their individual needs. You’re not supposed to think about their individual needs and quirks first. And it’s just really destructive.

Marissa: It’s destructive in the moment and also long-term. Because this is what parents are practicing day in and day out if they’re following it, which is why in many ways I think it sets families up for estrangement. Because then in adulthood when the illusion of compliance evaporates, there’s no skills. A lot of these resources it’s not just what they told parents to do but what they left them bereft of: an understanding of child development or tools for connection. And in trying to think critically about that requires “peeking behind the curtain” to say “what do we mean by love?” Because a lot of verbal gymnastics are done to say love is hurting the people who are dear to you… A lot of redefinition of terms is happening to say ‘this may feel like punishment to you but we’re going to call it love.’ So when you do that, at a certain point, and you’ve said God’s love is reflected primarily in this moment of cosmic punishment, then it becomes difficult for people to reevaluate because it feels like a complete faith deconstruction.</blockquote>

This resonates with my own experience, and I think with many other kids who grew up homeschooled. What happens when the “illusion of compliance” evaporates, whether that be at age 18, or 25, or 40? If you’ve never had relationship tools that weren’t based on compliance, how do you figure out how to start over and establish actual relationships with people who are now adults and not willing to compliantly agree with you on everything?

In his later years my father lamented multiple times that so many children from conservative Christian homeschooled families grew up and immediately got as far away as they could from their childhood–moving out of state, going low- or no-contact, etc. His observation was that this wasn’t an odd coincidence, but that it was related to those kids’ experience being raised that way. I don’t think he ever connected the dots the way these authors do, but I think he would’ve resonated with them."]]></description>
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</item>
<item rdf:about="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS-muAuq62E">
    <title>Game Theory #2: Why Schools Suck - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2026-01-08T17:49:10+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS-muAuq62E</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[[Professor Jiang likes to use his schooling (his bragging about Yale and being "the first" to do things in China) to argue you should believe him while also questioning schooling.]

"In this Thursday, January 8, 2026 lecture to his Beijing high school students, Professor Jiang uses game theory to explore the limitations of schools."]]></description>
<dc:subject>schools schooling education learning gametheory society china finland 2025 howwelearn schooliness motivation parenting teaching howweteach xueqinjiang</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/18/opinion/japan-education-childhood.html">
    <title>Opinion | What a School Performance Shows Us About Japanese Education - The New York Times</title>
    <dc:date>2026-01-05T02:27:49+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/18/opinion/japan-education-childhood.html</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[[archived:
https://archive.ph/4LdAc

See also:

"Opinion | What a School Performance Shows Us About Japanese Education - The New York Times"
https://www.nytimes.com/video/opinion/100000009295681/instruments-of-a-beating-heart.html

"Documentary Filmmaker Explores Japan’s Rigorous Education Rituals
Her movies try to explain why Japan is the way it is, showing both the upsides and downsides of the country’s commonplace practices. Her latest film focuses on an elementary school."
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/05/world/asia/japan-documentary-films-ema-ryan-yamazaki.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2o52jF4BCY (filmmaker conversation)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM3tThvbdi8 (trailer) ]]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2o52jF4BCY">
    <title>The Making of a Japanese | Ema Ryan Yamazaki - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2026-01-05T02:23:32+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2o52jF4BCY</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["The Shorenstein APARC's Japan Program held a special advance screening of the forthcoming film THE MAKING OF A JAPANESE. This documentary chronicles life at a large Japanese elementary school in suburban Tokyo, where filmmaker Ema Ryan Yamazaki has distilled over 700 hours of footage into a compelling examination of how Japanese educational institutions cultivate culturally distinct characteristics in young students.

Following the screening, the filmmaker joined in a conversation with Katherine (Kemy) Monahan to discuss the making of the documentary.

Speaker
Raised in Osaka by a Japanese mother and British father, Ema Ryan Yamazaki grew up navigating between Japanese and Western cultures. Having studied filmmaking at New York University, she uses her unique storytelling perspective as an insider and outsider in Japan. In 2017, Ema’s first feature documentary, MONKEY BUSINESS: THE ADVENTURES OF CURIOUS GEORGE’S CREATORS was released worldwide after raising over $186,000 on Kickstarter. In 2019, Ema’s second feature documentary about the phenomenon of high school baseball in Japan, KOSHIEN: JAPAN’S FIELD OF DREAMS, premiered at DOC NYC. In 2020, the film aired on ESPN, and was released theatrically in Japan. It was a New York Times recommendation for international streaming and featured on the Criterion Channel. Ema's latest documentary feature, THE MAKING OF A JAPANESE, follows one year in a Japanese public school. The film premiered at the Tokyo International Film Festival in 2023 and is currently playing festivals around the world, with a release set in Japan for December 2024. 

Moderator
Katherine (Kemy) Monahan joins the Walter H. Shorenstein Asia-Pacific Research Center (APARC) as a visiting scholar, Japan Program Fellow, for the 2025-2026 academic year. She has served 30 years as a Foreign Service Officer with the U.S. Department of State, across 16 assignments on four continents.  She most recently served as Deputy Chief of Mission of the U.S. Embassy in Japan, following an assignment as Charge d’affaires for Papua New Guinea, Solomon Islands, and Vanuatu, and an assignment as Deputy Chief of Mission to New Zealand, Samoa, Cook Islands, and Niue.  Ms. Monahan established and led UNICEF’s Washington D.C.-based International Financial Institutions liaison office, where she negotiated over $1 billion in funding for children in need. Ms. Monahan also served in the U.S. Embassy Mexico as Advisor in the World Bank’s Africa Office, as Deputy Executive Director of the Secretary of State’s Global Health Initiative, and as Senior Development Counselor at the U.S. Mission to the European Union in Brussels. Earlier in her career, she worked in Warsaw, Poland, to privatize the energy and telecommunications sectors and led the team to ratify the Hague Intercountry Adoption Convention."

[See also:

"Opinion | What a School Performance Shows Us About Japanese Education - The New York Times"
https://www.nytimes.com/video/opinion/100000009295681/instruments-of-a-beating-heart.html

"Documentary Filmmaker Explores Japan’s Rigorous Education Rituals
Her movies try to explain why Japan is the way it is, showing both the upsides and downsides of the country’s commonplace practices. Her latest film focuses on an elementary school."
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/05/world/asia/japan-documentary-films-ema-ryan-yamazaki.html

"Instruments of a Beating Heart | An Oscar-Nominated Op-Doc"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRW0auOiqm4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM3tThvbdi8 (trailer)]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://patrickfarenga.substack.com/p/reimagining-learning-and-teaching">
    <title>Reimagining Learning and Teaching - by Patrick Farenga</title>
    <dc:date>2025-12-16T06:12:47+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://patrickfarenga.substack.com/p/reimagining-learning-and-teaching</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["The Continuing Rise of Homeschooling and Independent Education"]]></description>
<dc:subject>patfarenga homeschool unschooling education children us parenting data statistics schools schooling</dc:subject>
<dc:source>https://pinboard.in/</dc:source>
<dc:identifier>https://pinboard.in/u:robertogreco/b:b42478a8dc07/</dc:identifier>
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<item rdf:about="https://sfstandard.com/2025/12/07/bay-area-preschooler-iq-test-admission/">
    <title>How gifted is your 3-year-old? IQ tests for preschoolers become the norm in Silicon Valley</title>
    <dc:date>2025-12-07T23:11:34+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://sfstandard.com/2025/12/07/bay-area-preschooler-iq-test-admission/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Psychologists have seen a surge in Bay Area parents seeking a leg-up for admissions to gifted schools."]]></description>
<dc:subject>children parenting competition schools schooling education testing eugenics iq siliconvalley gifted exceptionalism psychology zarastone neuropsychology nataliewager bayarea inequality menlopark cupertino hillsborough sunnyvale andyfang stevjobs lisabrennan-jobs andrewbosworth rjscaringe admissions privateschools mayasissoko nuevaschool lewisterman frankworrell giftedness race racism pearsonassessments wppsi bradleysiu giftedandtalented california colorado rachelholowicki tsunamiturner anxiety pressure practicesf</dc:subject>
<dc:source>https://pinboard.in/</dc:source>
<dc:identifier>https://pinboard.in/u:robertogreco/b:14163628a132/</dc:identifier>
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</item>
<item rdf:about="https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v31/n03/adam-phillips/in-praise-of-difficult-children">
    <title>Adam Phillips · In Praise of Difficult Children</title>
    <dc:date>2025-12-07T22:53:29+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v31/n03/adam-phillips/in-praise-of-difficult-children</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["When you play​ truant you have a better time. But how do you know what a better time is, or how do you learn what a better time is? You become aware, in adolescence and in a new way, that there are many kinds of good time to be had, and that they are often in conflict with each other. When you betray yourself, when you let yourself down, you have misrecognised what your idea of a good time is; or, by implication, more fully realised what your idea of a good time might really be. You thought that doing this – taking drugs, lying to your best friend – would give you the life you wanted; and then it doesn’t. You have, in other words, discovered something essential about yourself; something you couldn’t discover without having betrayed yourself. You have to be bad in order to discover what kind of good you want to be (or are able to be). One of the things you might have to discover is that some virtues are against the grain: it may not feel real to you to say sorry, or to be grateful, for example.

The upshot of all this is that adults who look after adolescents have both to want them to behave badly, and to try and stop them; and to be able to do this the adults have to enjoy having truant minds themselves. They have to believe that truancy is good and that the rules are good. ‘The most beautiful thing in the world,’ Robert Frost wrote in his Notebooks, ‘is conflicting interests when both are good.’ Someone with a truant mind believes that conflict is the point, not the problem. The job of the truant mind is to keep conflict as alive as possible, which means that adolescents are free to be adolescent only if adults are free to be adults. The real problems turn up when one or other side is determined to resolve the conflict: when adolescents are allowed to live in a world of pure impulse, or adults need them to live in a world of incontestable law. In this sense therapy for adolescents should be about creating problems – or clarifying what they really are – and not about solving them.

A truant mind has to have something to truant from and something to truant for. The adults provide something to truant from and the adolescents have to discover something to truant for. In straightforward psychoanalytic terms, adolescents truant from parents as forbidden objects of desire, as the people who have deprived them; they truant for accessible objects of desire, for the possibility of making up for the inevitable deprivations they have suffered growing up with their parents, for the sex the parents can’t provide. Truanting has something utopian about it, and not truanting something unduly stoical or defeated. The truant mind matters because it is the part of ourselves that always wants something better; and it also needs to come up against resistance to ensure that the something better is real, not merely a fantasy. In our dreams, Anna Freud said, we can have our eggs cooked exactly as we want them, but we can’t eat them. In reality, we can eat our eggs because they are not cooked exactly as we want them. Truant minds need to keep on being reminded that there is nothing more disappointing than getting exactly what you wanted.

Psychoanalysis has had a lot of stories to tell about truant minds; indeed it is these that psychoanalysis has attempted both to rein in, and to sponsor and celebrate. When Freud said that the rider has to guide the horse in the direction the horse wants to go in, or that the ego was not master in its own house, or talked of unconscious slips or of human beings as ambivalent animals, he was describing modern people as being riven with intentions and counter-intentions. For Freud, it was not that there were truant minds, but that the mind was inherently truant; that when people act in their own best interests they don’t in fact know what their best interests are, or whether their best interests are what actually matters most to them. In Freud’s view no one can be wholehearted about anything because everyone is unconscious of and resistant to his heart’s desire. Because what we desire is forbidden to us we have to work hard not to know what it is (if we are asked what we are working on, we can say that we are working on our ignorance). If we speak in Freud’s language, which is surprisingly useful here, the ego is the part of ourselves that wants safety and survival, and as much pleasure as is compatible with this, and the id the part of ourselves that wants sensual satisfaction whatever the cost. To put it differently, there is a part of ourselves that has no interest in our best interests, if our best interests are taken to be our own survival. It isn’t that a part of ourselves prefers risk to safety, it is that a part of ourselves doesn’t use this vocabulary; it is not that a part of ourselves is self-destructive, it is that a part of ourselves has no regard for whether our actions are destructive or constructive. Indeed, the notion of self-destructive behaviour itself presumes not merely that we know what constructive behaviour is, but that that is what we most want (or what at our best we most want).

Adults who look after pre-adolescent children have to have some sense of what is in the child’s best interests. They are, in this sense, the guardians of the children’s future or potential selves. The very small child doesn’t know he mustn’t touch the hot cup; the older child may try touching the hot cup to find out for himself. In that sense, the older child, the truant child, is experimenting: he is finding out whether the adult’s words can be trusted, whether the adult is keeping an eye on him, whether the adult’s word is his bond, whether he can withstand the adult’s punishment, or even hatred. You find out what the rules are made of by trying to break them. To begin with, you learn what it is to follow a rule, then what can be done with the whole business of following rules, what it is about rule-following that is satisfying. And who it is you are satisfying by following the rules.

St Paul talks in the Epistle to the Romans about the law entering human history ‘to increase the trespass’. ‘Where there is no law,’ he said, ‘there is no transgression’: ‘Through the law comes knowledge of sin.’ It isn’t simply that rules are made to be broken: the rules tell you that there is something to break. If there was no law it would be impossible to transgress. The rules, whatever else they are, are an invitation to find out what rules are – and an invitation to find out what kind of person you are. By being born into a society we consent to its rules, but there is never a point when we actually sit down and agree to them all. Adolescence is the time in people’s lives when they begin to notice that there are other things you can do with the rules besides being spellbound by them. The adolescent is somebody who is trying to escape from a cult.

In everyday use, a truant is someone who stays away from school ‘without leave or good reason’, and though originally the word denoted ‘a vagrant’ or ‘an idler’, both meanings suggest someone who takes time out of work – work defined here as real life. When Hamlet asks Horatio why he has come back from Wittenberg, Horatio replies, ‘a truant disposition, good my lord’; to which Hamlet replies: ‘I would not have your enemy say so.’ Hamlet can’t accept this description of his friend, which he calls ‘your own report against yourself. I know you are no truant.’ In Hamlet’s view, it’s a terrible thing to call oneself; he accuses Horatio of self-betrayal, of siding with his enemy against himself. We tend to think of people playing truant from school, from some external, often institutional constraint: like being on day release, or taking a holiday from one’s real responsibilities. Hamlet, in other words, reminds us that it is possible to play truant from oneself. Freud says we can’t help doing this: Hamlet says we shouldn’t do it.

My point is that the adolescent is the person who needs to experiment with self-betrayal, to find out what it might be to betray oneself. Not what it means to break the rules; but what it means to break the rules that are of special, of essential value to oneself. And in order to do this you have to find out which rules are essential. So-called delinquent behaviour is the unconscious attempt to find the rules that really matter to the delinquent individual. And this is a frightening quest. Betraying other people matters only if in so doing one has betrayed oneself. This is what truant minds are for, and what modern adolescence ineluctably embroils people in: the attempt to find out what it is to betray oneself, and what the consequences of self-betrayal are. ‘I have always admired people who have left behind them an incomprehensible mess,’ Bob Dylan once said in an interview. What I am talking about is the willingness to get oneself into an incomprehensible mess.

Winnicott talks about delinquent children having to ‘test the environment’ through really bad behaviour. Children who had been evacuated from their homes during the war, for example, had to be able to be difficult when they finally got home, just to ensure that their parents could be trusted not to send them away again. Only by being really difficult can the child discover whether the parents are resilient and robust – worth having. If the child, or even adult, is never really difficult he will never find out what the world and he himself are really like. The adolescent is someone who is trying to evacuate himself from his own home because there is a war going on. Having a ‘truant disposition’ is to be engaged in this testing that begins in adolescence, and if things go wrong, is given up on in adolescence. The adolescents who give up on this fundamental project turn into adults who secretly envy adolescents, who believe that adolescents are having the best kinds of life available."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.levernews.com/parenting-advice-from-the-worlds-worst-mom/">
    <title>Parenting Advice From The World’s Worst Mom</title>
    <dc:date>2025-12-05T07:25:31+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.levernews.com/parenting-advice-from-the-worlds-worst-mom/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Why keeping your kids totally safe might be doing them more harm than good."

[See also:

"Lenore Skenazy On Why The Kids Aren’t Alright
Hint: It might be their parents."
https://www.levernews.com/lenore-skenazy-on-why-the-kids-arent-alright/ ]]]></description>
<dc:subject>davidsirota lenoreskenazy 2025 parenting children safety snowplowparenting unschooling helicopterparenting snowplowparents</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/newly-declassified-records-suggest-parents-collaborated-with-the-fbi-to-spy-on-their-rebellious-teens-during-the-1960s-180987694/?is_pocket=1">
    <title>Newly Declassified Records Suggest Parents Collaborated With the FBI to Spy on Their Rebellious Teens During the 1960s</title>
    <dc:date>2025-11-24T05:09:58+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/newly-declassified-records-suggest-parents-collaborated-with-the-fbi-to-spy-on-their-rebellious-teens-during-the-1960s-180987694/?is_pocket=1</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["As high school students across the U.S. embraced political activism, adults turned to the authorities to shield their sons and daughters from radical influences"]]></description>
<dc:subject>fbi police policing parenting 1960s teens activism aaronfountainjr politics youth</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.haymarketbooks.org/books/2610-solidarity-with-children">
    <title>Solidarity with Children | HaymarketBooks.org</title>
    <dc:date>2025-11-20T05:35:21+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.haymarketbooks.org/books/2610-solidarity-with-children</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["A revolutionary feminist case for child liberation, a utopian project that helps us imagine ways to build insurgent, collective forms of care. 

We live in a world that is profoundly against children—evident in the genocide in Palestine, the fascist targeting of trans children, and the blatant disregard for the lives of migrant children crossing borders and oceans. It is a world in which climate catastrophe has become the new normal, in which children’s futures are by no means assured.

What we need, feminist writer and scholar Madeline Lane-McKinely argues, is a politics of solidarity with children, one that sees children as comrades in our struggle for a better future. Blending personal and political reflection with cultural analysis, Lane-McKinley examines the history of childhood as a system of private property in capitalism, showing how the idea of the child has been weaponized in the service of white supremacy and empire. She disentangles motherhood from the act of caregiving, tracing the possibilities of revolutionary mothering. And she critiques the parents’ rights movement and imagines what education might look like outside schools, considering how we might center children as we challenge the strictures of the nuclear family. 

Elegantly written and provocative, Solidarity with Children is a book for anyone who cares about children and the struggle for a better world.

***

Reviews

    "In a world that weaponizes the ideal of childhood, not least against children themselves, Lane-McKinley reveals how adult supremacy inflicts violence—from genocidal colonialism to the repressive halls of school. Rejecting mere protection and unsettling the bounds of childhood and adulthood, this book is a demand for a revolutionary solidarity with children through building a world of communal care. It draws on past and present activism to illuminate the radical politics that would empower children to become political subjects capable of mounting struggles in a world of climate catastrophe, economic crisis, and global war. Unflinching and visionary, Solidarity with Children is an indispensable guide for anyone committed to transforming the world."
    —Anne Boyer

    “As a sixty-something-year-old former child who knew I was trans but couldn't do anything about it back then, I’m proud to stand in solidarity with young people today who still need emancipation from a social construction of childhood that denies their agency and ability to know their own best interests. Madeline Lane-McKinley’s important book makes clear just how high the stakes are.”
    —Susan Stryker, author of Transgender History: The Roots of Today's Revolution

    “This extraordinary book changed me, and still reverberates in my mind. Its stunning, clear-eyed, breathtaking clarity is a call to arms for us all.”
    —Noreen Masud, author of A Flat Place"

[See also this review:
https://proteanmag.com/2025/11/19/horizons-of-young-liberation/ ]]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://proteanmag.com/2025/11/19/horizons-of-young-liberation/">
    <title>Horizons of Youth Liberation • Protean Magazine</title>
    <dc:date>2025-11-20T05:19:44+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://proteanmag.com/2025/11/19/horizons-of-young-liberation/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[[link to the book:
https://www.haymarketbooks.org/books/2610-solidarity-with-children ]

"Solidarity contains analysis of the dire contemporary situation for children, the author’s reflections on raising a non-binary child in circumstances of real fear and threat, interpretation of cultural figures of childhood and adolescence—reflecting the author’s background in literary studies—and careful conversations with a range of key interlocutors, including Jules Gill-Peterson, Max Fox, carla joy bergman, Maria Della Costa, Kathi Weeks, M.E. O’Brien, Sophie Lewis, Tiqqun, and Freud. A major contribution of the book is Lane-McKinley’s elucidation of how conservatives weaponize the idea of the child in the name of parental rights. They institute book bans and curricular censorship as a way of protecting a revanchist storybook notion of nationalist ideology, gender normativity, and childhood innocence in general, while ignoring (or more often, vindictively dismissing) the implications for non-white and queer children, and any others whose histories and realities are being silenced or disparaged in the process.

Indeed, right-wing lobbying and misinformation campaigns are contributing to an upsurge in “harassing, abusing, and endangering trans and nonbinary children and their caretakers, including parents and educators,” she notes, and catalyzing a resurgent culture of bullying and severe mental health struggles, some of which have ended in suicide. Public school educators, who want to help their students by preserving their access to care and information not dictated by their parents, are charged with “government overreach.”

This is happening even as the Christian right promotes control of bodily autonomy that amounts to, Lane-McKinley puts it, “state authoritarianism when it comes to all matters of reproductive health.” It is adolescents who are most affected by barriers to legal abortion—not least because of state requirements that they provide evidence of parental consent. Lane-McKinley mentions a 10-year-old incest victim who had to travel out of state to get an abortion, and a 13-year-old who birthed a child after being raped and then denied an abortion in her home state. This is violence against children in the name of children, she observes.

As befits a study written against weaponized ideas of the child, Lane-McKinley interprets classic narratives of childhood that legitimate adult supremacy and fetishize children as innocent and naïve—and ultimately, as our charges and possessions. She highlights the pedagogical work that these texts come to perform: instructing children in the value of maturity, reconciling adults to their childhoods being gone forever, and representing adolescence as a terrifying in-between state that threatens adult authority and should be closely monitored, worried over, and interfered with. Lane-McKinley’s point is not that these texts somehow automatically make people into adult supremacists, or that they were written with these precise ideological goals in mind.

Rather, whether because of or despite any intentions of the author, many canonical texts have come to backfill a certain structural function of supporting reigning ideas. She recommends engaging in critical cultural analysis of this sort alongside children, encouraging them to think about how any story can be read against the grain. Her rich readings of these works are directed not at rendering a conclusive judgment, but at exploring the contours of a pervasive cultural imaginary. Young readers would benefit from learning to think about texts in this flexible, multivalent way—which is to say, they would benefit from literature and the humanities, currently under such severe budgetary and political assault in lower and higher education alike.

Learning to grasp the ways that fiction like Lord of the Flies and other popular stories can evince or distort cultural ideas matters a great deal; these notions come to make up the amalgamated “fantasy structures about children that stand in the way of making solidarity thinkable, and that legitimate forms of domination,” as Lane-McKinley puts it. A key example is “the myth of the eternal child,” which is shot through the many tellings of the Peter Pan story. It exemplifies the idea that childhood is a state that must be scrutinized only from a position of adult authority. A child is “that which we have simply ceased to be,” she writes, if we are good moral citizens alert to our responsibilities. As is often the case in children’s literature (which is, after all, written by adults “for” children), in the Peter Pan universe the figure of the child is envisioned through envy and nostalgia, accompanied by a sure sense that those without adult guidance risk being lost forever in a tragic neverland.

This is the fantasy that conservative advice guru and weird substitute father-figure Jordan Peterson taps into when he describes a “Peter Pan syndrome” that is reputedly afflicting young people today. A consummate adult supremacist, Peterson’s fame first began to rise when he spoke out against Canada’s Bill C-16, which added gender identity and gender expression as prohibited grounds for discrimination under the Canadian Human Rights Act and Criminal Code. Peterson objected that, if passed, university professors would be penalized for using the wrong pronouns or for misgendering their students. He refused to grant them such consideration.

Of course, we should exercise some caution about equating children with young adults. Advocates for parents’ rights are worried about schoolchildren; Peterson is concerned (though not exclusively) with the dynamics of the university classroom. Yet this is a conflation that his work plays into quite deliberately. Students, child or young adult, who refuse parental authority are condemned to the perpetual “Peter Pan” state; they are unwell, trapped, unable to grow up.

Lane-McKinley argues, in a marked and compelling contestation, that we should reclaim these sorts of “pathologized” and “monstered” understandings of adolescence as imaginative conduits to living against the inevitable “disciplinary horizon of adulthood.” People cohabiting with adolescents may be familiar with their unique way of making you aware that some part of your former centrality in the household has dissolved. This doesn’t have to be grasped as the clichéd “crisis” of the teenager, who “wreaks havoc on the child/adult dyad” and provokes “the struggle to reign over the rebel without a cause,” in Lane-McKinley’s phrase.  It can instead be an experience of “shared transformation” rather than a felt loss of status."

...

"Still, Lane-McKinley reminds us that experimentation with different ways of doing schooling, “various forms of social justice and radical pedagogy,” are not wholly sufficient to “take on the trouble with school in its totality.” If alternative social forms were collectivized and organized around continuous education, what my son and I experienced would not have felt so isolating and fraught. This is where the politics of family abolition become key."

...

"In an account of motherhood that is moving and richly textured, Lane-McKinley, as a parent herself, readily admits how difficult it is not to revert to being aggressively protective—privative and enclosed—when faced with the threats to children today, and with the venom directed at you if you try to do things differently. (Leftists too have been known to mock certain revolutionary demands as “childish,” especially those concerned with identity, as with questions around gender and disability.)

The charge of “childish” dreaming (so often applied to leftists, with liberals and the right fond of diminishing any call for a better society as issuing from the fantasy land of “pink ponies” and “free ice cream”) helps inoculate us against the possibility of real transformation, and the upheavals that would accompany it. In response, Lane-McKinley takes inspiration from the history of feminist thought about the necessity of fundamentally reforming what motherhood looks like.

At its worst, motherhood is something that is done to you—you are rendered mother, sometimes via coercion and against your will. This comes along with expectations of performing non-reciprocal care within and beyond the family. Feminist calls to eradicate motherhood are an embattled response to the way it has been made into something you are “initiated into,” Lane-McKinley writes. In a more just society, it could, to the contrary, function as a crucial locus of solidarity and collective care—one that is, in Audre Lorde’s words, a “common human battle” for “all our children together,” as a “joint responsibility and our joint hope.”

Marxist-abolitionist thinkers often employ the German term aufhebung, which means both to abolish and to overcome; it carries the implication of doing so in a conscious way, so as to preserve what was good and can be used in the creation of something better. This is part of the impetus behind Sophie Lewis’s demand for “Full Surrogacy Now,” Lane-McKinley writes. Lewis notoriously asks what would happen if we enabled “fully collaborative gestation.” Like child liberation itself, this is a thought experiment that serves as a real provocation, spurring the development of new dispositions toward what it means to have and raise children. Delinking motherhood from the labor of gestation undermines its status as a property relation, bringing us closer to the more revolutionary horizon of the “care commune.” Long ago, my son asked me where babies come from. I said you need a warm place to grow a fertilized egg.

“The driving force of Lewis’s demand is a transformational break,” Lane-McKinley writes, away from “the fantasy of the creator figure, whose life making is mistaken for proprietorship.” Working toward this break, cultivating what others have dismissed as mere dreaming, entails what Lane-McKinley describes beautifully as “insurgent mothering.” Insurgent mothers work as they can against the restrictive couple form and the nuclear family that grows up around it. Again, this is not about the wholesale rejection of maternal care. Instead, she describes her position as one of anti-anti-maternalism: an aufhebung if ever there was one. This insists that responsibility for life in the world is something everyone can share in, and learn from, but that this does not mean we own and control those we parent—nor that the work of care makes people beholden to us."

...

"“We are all born into a world that we never asked for,” Lane-McKinley writes. Realizing this is the foundation of a bond between all people, which can be the foundation of collaboration and collectivity. To call for solidarity with children is not to evoke a wispy vision that we can defer to “someday.” It is a moral cry of the greatest urgency—not despite the fact that it entails remaking the world, but precisely because it does.

If Solidarity with Children has a unifying message, it is that we need to embrace, rather than mock, the ambition to radical and utopian reversals of injustice and suffering. “What is lost when we limit our political horizons?” it asks. Moreover, no child is safe today from the threat posed by the crises that are amassing at a planetary level—from the cruelties of everyday life to the unraveling of the global climate. At this scale, only the most sweeping demands rise to the occasion of the threat. The only realism is utopianism. This is exactly what Lane-McKinley articulates so well. “The utopian demand asks the question of what we perceive as feasible, against the reality of what we know to be urgent,” she writes. To refuse it is to surrender the future."]]></description>
<dc:subject>sarahbrouillette 2025 children adultsupremacy madelinelane-mckinley childabuse conservatism canada us parentalrights parenting rightwing gaza palestine supremacy childliberation williamgolding independence unschooling youth julesgill-peterson maxfox carlajoybergman mariadellacosta kathiweeks meo'brien sophielewis tqqun freud utopia utopianism injustice genocide tamirrice society justice socialjustice audrelorde abolitionism mothehood emmagoldman adulthood adolescence authority jordanpeterson gender identity policy politics authoritarianism solidarity lordoftheflies</dc:subject>
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    <title>Fear is the Heart of All Bad Things - Freddie deBoer</title>
    <dc:date>2025-11-17T17:30:54+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://freddiedeboer.substack.com/p/fear-is-the-heart-of-all-bad-things</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["when you choose to drive your kid to school instead of letting them walk or take the bus, you're endangering them"

...

"At the heart of all this is an American identity forged around the idea that danger is omnipresent and must be fought with constant vigilance and personal sacrifice. Safety becomes less about actual outcomes and more about performing the role of the good, ever-concerned parent. But when emotion and optics take precedence over evidence, we create exactly the harms we claim to be preventing. Luxuriating in fear that way feels responsible; the reality is anything but."

[See also (referenced within):

"Why Car Lines Shouldn't Exist: Why car line culture is terrible for kids and families, why mom-shaming is a real problem, and how to end this madness." (Shane Trotter)
https://shanetrotter.substack.com/p/why-car-lines-shouldnt-exist

"Our Panics, Ourselves:Richard Beck’s new book on the moral panic over child abuse in the 1980s." (Rebecca Onion)
https://www.bostonreview.net/articles/rebecca-onion-richard-beck-we-believe-the-children/ ]]]></description>
<dc:subject>children fear safety school schooling 2025 freddiedeboer walking independence overprotection transportation schools parenting shanetrotter traffic buses publictransit us culture society media irrationality rebeccaonion childhood eulabiss</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://nautil.us/childhood-friends-not-moms-shape-attachment-styles-most-1247316/">
    <title>Childhood Friends, Not Moms, Shape Attachment Styles Most</title>
    <dc:date>2025-11-12T05:52:56+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://nautil.us/childhood-friends-not-moms-shape-attachment-styles-most-1247316/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["A new study upends conventional wisdom about how we relate to those closest to us"

[See also:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-childhood-relationships-affect-your-adult-attachment-style-according-to/ ]]]></description>
<dc:subject>kristenfrench 2025 friendship childhood parents parenting mothers motherhood johnbowlby psychology keelydugan relationships</dc:subject>
<dc:source>https://pinboard.in/</dc:source>
<dc:identifier>https://pinboard.in/u:robertogreco/b:a4030eff0d6f/</dc:identifier>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/06/opinion/women-workplace-feminism-conservative.html">
    <title>Opinion | Did Liberal Feminism Ruin the Workplace? - The New York Times</title>
    <dc:date>2025-11-07T17:28:12+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/06/opinion/women-workplace-feminism-conservative.html</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[[via:
https://micro.blog/ablerism/77481105 ]]]></description>
<dc:subject>leahlibrescosargeant helenandrews rossdouthat 2025 feminism politics metoo hr insititutions risk risktaking dependence workplace behavior psychology academia highered highereducation journalism colleges universities wokeness wokeism masculinity femininity truth age aging redscare civilization society joemccarthyism mccarthyism loyaltyoaths digninty joycebenenson abortion algebra california diversitystatements nonprofit nonprofits nonprofitindustrialcomplex failure joebiden government governance dei diversity jamesdamore google evolutionarypsychology 1990s discrimination harrassment bahavior law legal lawsuits morganstanley compensation time wallstreet medicine toxicmasculinity toxicfemininity care caring dependency competition nytimes feminization claudiagoldin corporatization paternity maternityleave paternityleave pharmacies veterinarians familylife spacex monasticism monasticlife elonmusk employment employees us steroetypes capitalism west culture fulfillment validation children parenting marriage virtues</dc:subject>
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    <dc:date>2025-10-21T04:04:45+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://katemanne.substack.com/p/the-necessity-of-shame</link>
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    <dc:date>2025-10-07T06:37:01+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://kottke.org/25/10/empty-nest-or-open-door</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["What am I for? Am I living the life I want to live?"

[RE:

"Abandon the Empty Nest. Instead, Try the Open Door.
Adults whose kids have left home deserve a metaphor that emphasizes possibility."
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2024/11/empty-nest-open-door/680646/ ]]]></description>
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    <title>Seasoning a Kid: A Search for a Practice of Place – adam amir</title>
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    <link>https://emergencemagazine.org/feature/seasoning-a-kid/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Filmmaker adam amir takes his young son Rumi out to meet each season with annual practices welcoming the return of snow, migrating animals, blossoms, and berries."

[See also:

"Within four vignettes, filmmaker adam amir takes his young son Rumi out to meet each season with annual practices welcoming the return of snow, migrating animals, cherry blossoms, and berries.

"Snow Line"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYjWtt0ItWM

"In Snow Line, the first segment of the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, filmmaker adam amir and his young son, Rumi, climb the same mountain near Vancouver year after year to feel the impossibly vivid shift in color on either side of the snow line."

"Meeting the Migration"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qal6X1DpyU

"In this second film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi go out to greet migrating animals arriving at stopover sites in British Columbia, camping underneath skies and beside waters as they fill with the vast, kinetic presence of sandhill cranes, snow geese, spawning herring, and all manner of Pacific salmon."

"Sakura"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTp0fclKG-M

"In this third film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and his young son, Rumi, revel in the days-long blooming of cherry trees in Vancouver. Opening the way to notice the myriad traditions that welcome spring in this landscape, this practice shows how we can connect with the seasons by both honoring the relationships that have existed for millennia and recognizing the new relationships taking shape in the land."

"Plucking as Prayer"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_wHKW3KyqQ

In this final film from the multimedia feature Seasoning a Kid, adam and Rumi celebrate the coming of berry season in Vancouver, BC. Gorging on an abundance of salmonberries, thimbleberries, strawberries, salal berries, blackberries, red, purple, and blue huckleberries, they bend, kneel, and offer gratitude in a practice where plucking becomes prayer.

CREDITS
Featuring Rumi Amir
Written, Narrated & Directed by adam amir
Produced by adam amir & Noal Amir
Executive Producer Emmanuel Vaughan-Lee
Director of Photography adam amir
Edited by adam amir
Original Music Composed & Performed by Phillip Hermans
Vocals Performed by Riga Amir
Sound Design & Mix by Phillip Hermans
Additional Sound Recording by Sunny Tseng"]]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://katrinadonhamwrites.substack.com/p/humanparents-interview-mills-baker">
    <title>Human/Parents Interview: Mills Baker and Suicide Grief</title>
    <dc:date>2025-10-01T04:53:27+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://katrinadonhamwrites.substack.com/p/humanparents-interview-mills-baker</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[[references:

"Mother" (2024)
https://ratsfromrocks.substack.com/p/mother

"Father" (2022)
https://ratsfromrocks.substack.com/p/father ]]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://ratsfromrocks.substack.com/p/something-broke">
    <title>Something Broke - by Mills Baker and David Cole</title>
    <dc:date>2025-09-26T06:38:59+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://ratsfromrocks.substack.com/p/something-broke</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["This isn’t some big deal, first off. David Cole
and I just recorded this conversation after reading some posts and notes about a few interrelated themes; we discuss “fallenness,” a kind of state a world or an individual might find themselves in; nonduality and related Buddhist concepts; parenthood; a number of Christian and mystical ideas, including the Book of Job; the weird amount of goodness and beauty in the world / the arbitrarity of calling it “the problem of evil”; and much more!

It begins a bit mid-stream, with me noting that since my mother died, it feels as though something has broken in my brain; it’s not quite as serious as that sounds, though.

A couple of the things that prompted this and that we refer to are below, and we’ll add more as we remember!"]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://jasmi.news/p/mills-baker">
    <title>infinite cornucopia (ft. mills baker)</title>
    <dc:date>2025-09-26T01:33:38+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://jasmi.news/p/mills-baker</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["literacy crisis, humans vs. LLMs, parenting after AGI"

[on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcO6-1tFi88

"Today’s podcast features the brilliant and singular Mills Baker. Formally, he’s the Head of Design at Substack, where we met, and also fallibilist, New Orleanian, and OG blogger extraordinaire. 

Among other things, we discuss:

0:00:32 is text dead?
0:26:00 the case for novels + incel lit
0:45:12 debating LLMs vs. human cognition
1:01:44 parenting for a post-AGI world
1:08:44 reasons for & against writing
1:20:05 girardian scapegoating

Transcript: https://jasmi.news/p/mills-baker "]]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/there-were-no-models-growing-up-in-the-70s-with-an-out-gay-dad/276490/">
    <title>'There Were No Models': Growing Up in the 70s With an Out Gay Dad - The Atlantic</title>
    <dc:date>2025-09-09T03:45:33+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/06/there-were-no-models-growing-up-in-the-70s-with-an-out-gay-dad/276490/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["When I was in high school, he said our needs mixed "like fire and oil." It was a way to understand how what was going on with us and explain to me how he viewed parenting. Parenting is like authorship. An author works with language, but language comes charged. Words have their own meaning and associations and the author has to balance shaping that language with the already-charged nature of that language. Language completely unfettered—that is, words without any order—wouldn't make any sense. As a parent, he didn't want to squash my energy but he also knew I needed some order. I think it's a universal issue in parenting: how much do you take control and how much do you let your child make their mistakes?"

[archived:
https://archive.ph/Vbkqe ]]]></description>
<dc:subject>hopereese alysiaabbott parenting steveabbott 2013 1970s 1980s sanfrancisco children parents authorship language writing howwewrite words understanding</dc:subject>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2025/08/kids-smartphones-play-freedom/683742/">
    <title>One Way Parents Can Fight the Phone-Based Childhood - The Atlantic</title>
    <dc:date>2025-08-08T18:28:13+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2025/08/kids-smartphones-play-freedom/683742/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Children who were raised on screens need more freedom out in the real world."

...

"One common explanation for why children spend so much of their free time on screens goes like this: Smartphones and social-media platforms are addicting them. Kids stare at their devices and socialize online instead of in person because that’s what tech has trained them to want.

But this misses a key part of the story. The three of us collaborated with the Harris Poll to survey a group of Americans whose perspectives don’t often show up in national data: children. What they told us offers a comprehensive picture of how American childhood is changing—and, more important, how to make it better.

In March, the Harris Poll surveyed more than 500 children ages 8 to 12 across the United States, who were assured that their answers would remain private. They offered unmistakable evidence that the phone-based childhood is in full force. A majority reported having smartphones, and about half of the 10-to-12-year-olds said that most or all of their friends use social media.

This digital technology has given kids access to virtual worlds, where they’re allowed to roam far more freely than in the real one. About 75 percent of kids ages 9 to 12 regularly play the online game Roblox, where they can interact with friends and even strangers. But most of the children in our survey said that they aren’t allowed to be out in public at all without an adult. Fewer than half of the 8- and 9-year-olds have gone down a grocery-store aisle alone; more than a quarter aren’t allowed to play unsupervised even in their own front yard.

Yet these are exactly the kinds of freedoms that kids told us they long for. We asked them to pick their favorite way to spend time with friends: unstructured play, such as shooting hoops and exploring their neighborhood; participating in activities organized by adults, such as playing Little League and doing ballet; or socializing online. There was a clear winner.

[chart]

Children want to meet up in person, no screens or supervision. But because so many parents restrict their ability to socialize in the real world on their own, kids resort to the one thing that allows them to hang out with no adults hovering: their phones.

Since the 1980s, parents have grown more and more afraid that unsupervised time will expose their kids to physical or emotional harm. In another recent Harris Poll, we asked parents what they thought would happen if two 10-year-olds played in a local park without adults around. Sixty percent thought the children would likely get injured. Half thought they would likely get abducted.

These intuitions don’t even begin to resemble reality. According to Warwick Cairns, the author of How to Live Dangerously, kidnapping in the United States is so rare that a child would have to be outside unsupervised for, on average, 750,000 years before being snatched by a stranger. Parents know their neighborhoods best, of course, and should assess them carefully. But the tendency to overestimate risk comes with its own danger. Without real-world freedom, children don’t get the chance to develop competence, confidence, and the ability to solve everyday problems. Indeed, independence and unsupervised play are associated with positive mental-health outcomes.

Still, parents spend more time supervising their kids than parents did in the 1960s, even though they now work more and have fewer children. Across all income levels, families have come to believe that organized activities are the key to kids’ safety and success. So sandlot games gave way to travel baseball. Cartwheels at the park gave way to competitive cheer teams. Kids have been strapped into the back seat of their lives—dropped off, picked up, and overhelped. As their independence has dwindled, their anxiety and depression have spiked. And they aren’t the only ones suffering. In 2023, the surgeon general cited intensive caregiving as one reason today’s parents are more stressed than ever.

Kids will always have more spare hours than adults can supervise—a gap that devices now fill. “Go outside” has been quietly replaced with “Go online.” The internet is one of the only escape hatches from childhoods grown anxious, small, and sad. We certainly don’t blame parents for this. The social norms, communities, infrastructure, and institutions that once facilitated free play have eroded. Telling children to go outside doesn’t work so well when no one else’s kids are there.

That’s why we’re so glad that groups around the country are experimenting with ways to rebuild American childhood, rooting it in freedom, responsibility, and friendship. In Piedmont, California, a network of parents started dropping their kids off at the park every Friday to play unsupervised. Sometimes the kids argue or get bored—which is good. Learning to handle boredom and conflict is an essential part of child development. Elsewhere, churches, libraries, and schools are creating screen-free “play clubs.” To ease the transition away from screens and supervision, the Outside Play Lab at the University of British Columbia developed a free online tool that helps parents figure out how to give their kids more outdoor time, and why they should.

More than a thousand schools nationwide have begun using a free program from Let Grow, a nonprofit that two of us—Lenore and Jon—helped found to foster children’s independence. K–12 students in the program get a monthly homework assignment: Do something new on your own, with your parents’ permission but without their help. Kids use the prompt to run errands, climb trees, cook meals. Some finally learn how to tie their own shoes. Here’s what one fourth grader with intellectual disabilities wrote—in her own words and spelling:

<blockquote>This is my fist let it gow project. I went shoping by myself. I handle it wheel but the ceckout was a lit hard but it was fun to do. I leand that I am brave and can go shop by myself. I loved my porject.</blockquote>

Other hopeful signs are emerging. The New Jersey–based Balance Project is helping 50 communities reduce screen time and restore free play for kids, employing the “four new norms” that Jon lays out in The Anxious Generation. This summer, Newburyport, Massachusetts, is handing out prizes each week to kids who try something new on their own. (Let Grow has a tool kit for other communities that want to do the same.) The Boy Scouts—now rebranded as Scouting America, and open to all young people—is finally growing again. We could go on.

What we see in the data and from the stories parents send us is both simple and poignant: Kids being raised on screens long for real freedom. It’s like they’re homesick for a world they’ve never known.

Granting them more freedom may feel uncomfortable at first. But if parents want their kids to put down their phones, they need to open the front door. Nearly three-quarters of the children in our survey agreed with the statement “I would spend less time online if there were more friends in my neighborhood to play with in person.”

If nothing changes, Silicon Valley will keep supplying kids with ever more sophisticated AI “friends” that are always available and will cater to a child’s every whim. But AI will never fulfill children’s deepest desires. Even this generation of digital natives still longs for what most of their parents had: time with friends, in person, without adults.

Today’s kids want to spend their childhood in the real world. Let’s give it back to them."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.understood.org/en">
    <title>Understood - For learning and thinking differences</title>
    <dc:date>2025-07-25T05:11:05+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.understood.org/en</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Understood is the leading nonprofit empowering the 70 million people with learning and thinking differences in the United States."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/07/07/how-we-grow-up-understanding-adolescence-matt-richtel-book-review">
    <title>“How We Grow Up: Understanding Adolescence,” Reviewed | The New Yorker</title>
    <dc:date>2025-07-06T19:05:26+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/07/07/how-we-grow-up-understanding-adolescence-matt-richtel-book-review</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["In recent years, an irresistibly intuitive hypothesis has both salved and fuelled parental anxieties: it’s the phones."

...

"Fear is a note rarely absent from generational analysis of teens. “Always emphasize that you want to help them, that you’re on their side, and that the feedback you’re offering is to help them succeed,” Twenge counsels the managers of iGen employees, sounding a bit like she’s giving advice to novice zookeepers on entering a big-cat enclosure. Haidt’s book, meanwhile, begins with an extended analogy in which kids are pestering their parents to let them move to Mars, possibly never to return. The dominant strain of anxiety at present focusses less on the outright monstrous (as with nineties fantasies of teen-age “superpredators”) than on the brainwashed or body-snatched. “I’m a Liberal Professor, and My Liberal Students Terrify Me” read the headline of a widely circulated Vox article from 2015, amid the period of campus culture wars that Haidt took on in “Coddling.” Technology is a vector; it transmits whatever ills and ideologies a parent imagines might lure a child beyond reach. Like the ongoing debate over kids and gender, the teens-and-phones discourse taps into a dread that your kid might stumble onto new ideas, very likely online, and be irreversibly transformed."

[archived:
https://archive.ph/oZUZR ]]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://rojospinks.substack.com/p/everyone-i-know-is-worried-about">
    <title>Everyone I know is worried about work - by Rosie Spinks</title>
    <dc:date>2025-06-12T19:10:18+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://rojospinks.substack.com/p/everyone-i-know-is-worried-about</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["On finding a new source of security

Almost everyone I know is worried about work: finding a job, keeping the one they have, or what will happen when the work they do no longer exists.

I am no stranger to this state of being. After all, I decided I wanted to be a writer when I was 18, which means I spent the first decade plus of my career relentlessly trying to outrun print and web journalism’s successive death marches. I thought maybe, if I worked really hard, I could get successful enough just in time to stake out a stable career. (Spoiler: That didn’t work.) Instability in my profession, and to a certain extent my life, has always been the norm. And I’ve proven good at riding it out.

But this time feels different. The people with the kinds of career paths that I have often chided myself for not taking also seem anxious about their jobs. Going on LinkedIn requires a serious form of mental preparation for the increasingly desperate posts you will find there. The creative person’s reassuring fallback option of getting a real (aka boring) job is no longer there because, as this viral piece about the career prospects of Gen-X creatives put it, even “the sellout move is in free-fall.” One Gen Z writer put it even more bluntly: “Why are there are no fucking jobs?”

The natural impulse in response to all this precariousness is what we have been trained for: double down on accumulation, stay employable at all costs, find the highest paying job you can, and cling on for dear life. Try to outrun it, as I did in my twenties.

I am sympathetic to this, but perhaps because I have been working for myself for the majority of my career, I can feel my willingness to stay ultra-competitive waning. In just a matter of a few months this year, it’s felt like the a lot of work that I do is suddenly less and less in demand, as people unquestioningly adopt shittier, less human, and more efficient AI to do it instead. I knew this was coming, of course, but the speed with which it's happened has startled me.

And then, in the midst of some other destabilizing news about my family’s finances recently, our childcare suddenly announced they were putting up their fees for the second time within six months. I had been counting down the weeks until September, when more of the UK government funding would become available to us, meaning we could afford four days a week of childcare, instead of three.

My son would be three and a half at that point, a year away from starting school, and I would finally have more time to get my “career” back on track — at least that’s what I was telling myself. Alas, that’s not going to happen as I’d planned.

None of this is a sob story, of course. But it helps explain why I've been feeling a particular kind of grief for a prior version of me who still believed if I was hard-working, creative, and resourceful, I would find a way to be financially successful and “stable” in the traditional sense, doing the thing I love. I thought I could still outrun it.

But I am starting to accept that maybe I can’t, and that maybe a different source of security has to emerge in its place.

‘The insulation equation’

What I hear in so many people’s anguished LinkedIn posts is a disconnect between the world they thought they were in versus the one they actually are. They sound aghast that the jobs, companies, and industries that were supposed to provide both meaning and security haven’t kept up their end of the bargain.

They thought they were working in companies with values, morals, and ethics. Turns out, the logic of the market prevails every single time. And as we reach the upper limits of this system, it’s all becoming more brazen, the bottom line less obscured. Welcome to collapse.

It reminds me of the “insulation equation” that Douglas Rushkoff
writes about in his book, Survival of the Richest. This is the idea, held by many billionaire tech elites, that they can “earn enough money to insulate themselves from the reality they [are] creating by earning money in this way.” Put another way: Who cares if my fill-in-the-blank AI company wrecks the planet? It’s going to get me so fucking rich I can leave this planet before it does.

I’m not accusing the average knowledge worker on LinkedIn as having the same disregard for the societal and environmental commons as a broligarch. However, I detect a similar note in the careerism mindset that so many people in my socioeconomic strata have internalized while trying to succeed in the global digital economy.

We put all our stock in the idea that specializing in one field, industry, or competency — one that almost always occurs within the confines of a screen — in exchange for a steadily-increasing paycheck was the smart move to make. We accepted that we better get really, really good at it if we wanted to command the kinds of salaries that keep us afloat in this system, so we worked until the point of burnout to deliver to companies we thought would love us back. Or at the very least, not fire us the very moment there was a marginally cheaper way of doing things.

Meanwhile, as we did that, we became increasingly dependent on the kinds of supply chains, income brackets, and lifestyles that we know are deeply unsustainable. Because how else are you supposed to deliver what these kinds of jobs ask of you? The harder we work, the more we outsource, the fewer diverse skills we have, the farther removed we get from the reality that planet earth can’t sustain all this. We’re mostly too tired to think about it.

What don’t I do?

In the five years since 2020, when I quit my last full-time journalism job, my career has become more patchwork and less impressive looking. In the nearly three years since I had a baby in 2022, even more so. By the time my child is in school and I can theoretically work full-time again, it’s unlikely I’ll be competitive for the kind of full-time knowledge economy job that commands an impressive mid-career salary, even if I wanted one.

I could certainly shake my fist at the shitty social policies that leave so many women in this position, and trust me, I have. But I think it’s also worth looking at what else I’ve done in the years I’ve been frequenting playgrounds, handing out endless cheerios, and cleaning up infinite bodily fluids.

I went from someone who didn’t even know what caretaking was, to someone who now sees it everywhere I look, and thinks and writes about it alongside an amazing community of other writers on Substack. In the process, I realized that the idea that I should be able to do and provide everything for myself is a fiction entirely created by the economic system I grew up in. I’ve learned that asking for help (financial, practical, or otherwise) is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that I am a member of a fundamentally interdependent species. What a relief.

I went from someone who could just barely keep a few houseplants alive to someone who is responsible for cultivating a 50 square meter vegetable garden, another garden at home, two compost piles — and is surprisingly doing an okay job of it. This little hobby not only helps my mental health more than any app or medication, but it’s arguably the first time I’ve meaningfully invested in building off-screen skills in my entire adult life.

I went from someone who quit journalism because my nervous system couldn’t handle another week of the news cycle, to redirecting that creative energy into building this newsletter. As a result, I have created a readership of thousands that I have a direct relationship with — one that doesn't expect me to publish in a manner that leads to successive cycles of burn out.

It’s become a point of reverse pride for me that literally all of my freelance writing, editing, and consulting work comes from a network of relationships I’ve amassed over the last decade and a half. My CV and resume have never been impressive or pedigreed enough to get past a cold application portal, so I’ve been forced to create a career where I don’t need to apply for things in that way.

Operating this way creates a different kind of security, one that we can extrapolate out to something much bigger than a writing career. Unlike an impressive job, it’s very unlikely that all your professional and creative relationships will fire you on the same day. I’ve learned that if I am generous and collaborative with people — especially when things are going well for me — they’ll often do the same for me down the road.

I am not advocating for a freelance life or any kind of alternative, self-directed career path here. Nor am I advocating that people stop searching for jobs or quit the ones they have in some back-to-the-land fantasy. However, I do think my particular career trajectory over the last decade has made me see the freedom that comes from giving up on the cohesive, impressive-on-LinkedIn career path.

I’ve accepted that no job is coming to save me. That security does not come from a one-way, linear transaction with a for-profit corporation. But rather, a rhizomatic network, one that grows not just upwards, but outwards, downwards, and sideways — with gains and losses, ebbs and flows along the way.

It’s humbling, yes, and certainly an adjustment at first. But maybe it’s okay to not look impressive. As Jonathan Small
wrote in response to that depressing Gen-X article, “Next time someone asks what you do, don’t panic. Don’t squirm. Just smile and say: What don’t I do?”

A different kind of currency

When you accept that the future’s security may not come only in the form of a steady ascent up a pay scale, something shifts. You may not quit your job, but you reorient your time and professional priorities around independent people and relationships, not prestigious companies or brands. You may adjust your lifestyle, outgoings, consumption patterns, and sources of meaning so that they aren’t so reliable on a certain compensation package. You see the value of expanding your abilities and skills beyond merely looking employable online.

At least some of the work here, I think, goes back to what I wrote in November: keeping a foot in both worlds, Here and There. If, like almost all of us, you still need a high-paying job to sustain your life, then think about the idea that it might not be there forever. What are you doing in preparation for that day? What skills are you building that will be useful to others? What lifestyle are you becoming accustomed to in the meantime? And what people are you helping and investing in until that day comes?

Not being able to afford full-time childcare — and yet still having to earn a full-time living — has been the bane of my life for nearly three years. But it’s taught me something important. All of this time I’ve spent doing things that don’t impress people on LinkedIn adds up to something else: social currency. It’s a currency you can’t spend in a one-way transaction, but rather give and receive in turns.

As this article about a woman who has lived without money for ten years put it, “I actually feel more secure than I did when I was earning money because all through human history, true security has always come from living in community and I have time now to build that ‘social currency’.”

After the news about nursery fees hit, I felt depressed for a couple of days. Then I realized I really needed to take my own advice. I know several people in the same boat as me, so instead of trying to earn even more money to afford the ever more expensive childcare, I should simply make a spreadsheet and ask said parents if we want to rotate Wednesday and/or Friday afternoons playdates so everyone gets a little more time to get stuff done.

There are much broader re-imaginings that may need to happen, and soon: how we live, and what we share, and what we consider a “successful” life for our kids. I think these shifts will be painful and joyful in equal measure.

But in my own life, just a few years ago, that small idea about the childcare would have felt radical, weird, and maybe a little utopian. Now, it feels totally feasible to me. And that, more than anything, is what I have to show for the last few years. No job or paycheck gave it to me, and that is why it’s worth so much."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBLX3fzNIrE">
    <title>You’ve been lied to about social media and kids - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2025-06-02T03:43:14+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBLX3fzNIrE</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Alice Marwick is one of the top academics in the country studying kids and technology and social media use. She is co-director of The Center for Information, Technology, and Public Life at UNC and Director of Research at the Data & Society Research Institute. She recently sat down with me for a Q&A about her research and a big report that she and other top researchers in the field put out about kids and social media use. 

In the report, they make it clear that this freak out about the impact of social media and smartphones on kids is a classic moral panic, not even remotely backed up by the data that they and other top researchers have collected for decades. Alice debunks common misconceptions about kids and technology use, calls out bad actors like Jonathan Haidt who use this moral panic to push anti-LGBTQ and censorship laws, and she details the harms of cutting young kids off from the media and technology of their time.  

You can read the full report produced by Alice and other top academics studying this topic here: https://assets.pubpub.org/bujb2qf1/COSL-06.04-11717506843758.pdf 

More about Alice Marwick: https://tiara.org "]]></description>
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    <title>How Work Has Changed in the Wake of Covid | KQED Forum - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2025-05-13T19:14:39+00:00</dc:date>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["As part of our series looking back on how the pandemic changed us, 5 years on, we examine the way we work.  From working remotely to handling childcare needs to coping with being an essential worker, Covid forced innovations and exposed fault lines in the nation’s employment structure. We’ll talk about what we learned and we hear from you: How did the pandemic change how you do your job and think about work?

Guests:

Nicholas A Bloom, professor of economics, Stanford University — senior fellow, Stanford Institute for Economic Policy Research

Joan Williams, former professor of law, UC Law School San Francisco, and the founding director of the Center for WorkLife Law; UC Hastings College of the Law - author of White Working Class: Overcoming Class Cluelessness in America and the forthcoming title, "Outclassed: How the Left Lost the Working Class"

Aki Ito, chief correspondent, Business Insider; Ito covers workplace issues, including burnout, hustle culture, and the end of workplace loyalty."]]></description>
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    <title>San Francisco has the oldest moms in the country</title>
    <dc:date>2025-05-12T05:08:44+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://sfstandard.com/2025/05/11/bay-area-young-moms-feel-isolated/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["The surprising trickiness of being a young first-time mother in the Bay Area."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/may/10/mahmoud-kahlil-letter-to-newborn-son">
    <title>To my newborn son: I am absent not out of apathy, but conviction | Mahmoud Khalil | The Guardian</title>
    <dc:date>2025-05-11T16:18:40+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/may/10/mahmoud-kahlil-letter-to-newborn-son</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Deen, the grief I feel being apart from you is one drop in a sea of sorrow Palestinian families have drowned in for generations"

...

"Yaba Deen,* it has been two weeks since you were born, and these are my first words to you.

In the early hours of 21 April, I waited on the other end of a phone as your mother labored to bring you into this world. I listened to her pained breaths and tried to speak comforting words into her ear over the crackling line. During your first moments, I buried my face in my arms and kept my voice low so that the 70 other men sleeping in this concrete room would not see my cloudy eyes or hear my voice catch. I feel suffocated by my rage and the cruelty of a system that deprived your mother and me of sharing this experience. Why do faceless politicians have the power to strip human beings of their divine moments?

Since that morning, I have come to recognize the look in the eyes of every father in this detention center. I sit here contemplating the immensity of your birth and wonder how many more firsts will be sacrificed to the whims of the US government, which denied me even the chance of furlough to attend your birth. How is it that the same politicians who preach “family values” are the ones tearing families apart?

Deen, my heart aches that I could not hold you in my arms and hear your first cry, that I could not unfurl your clenched fists or change your first diaper. I am sorry that I was not there to hold your mother’s hand or to recite the adhan, or call to prayer, in your ear. But my absence is not unique. Like other Palestinian fathers, I was separated from you by racist regimes and distant prisons. In Palestine, this pain is part of daily life. Babies are born every day without their fathers – not because their fathers chose to leave, but because they are taken by war, by bombs, by prison cells and by the cold machinery of occupation. The grief your mother and I feel is but one drop in a sea of sorrow that Palestinian families have drowned in for generations.

Deen, it was not a gap in the law that made me a political prisoner in Louisiana. It was my firm belief that our people deserve to be free, that their lives are worth more than the televised massacre we are witnessing in Gaza, and that the displacement that began in 1948 and culminated in the current genocide must finally end. This mere belief is what made the state scramble to detain me. No matter where I am when you read this – whether I’m in this country or another – I want to impress upon you one lesson:

The struggle for Palestinian liberation is not a burden; it is a duty and an honor we carry with pride. So at every turning point in my life, you will find me choosing Palestine. Palestine over ease. Palestine over comfort. Palestine over self. This struggle is sweeter than a life without dignity. The tyrants want us to submit, to obey, to be perfect victims. But we are free, and we will remain free. I hope you feel this as deeply as I do.

Deen, as a Palestinian refugee, I inherited a kind of exile that followed me to every border, every airport, every form. Borders mean something to me that they may not mean to you. Each crossing required me to prove my docility, my identity and my very right to exist. You were born an American citizen. You may never feel that weight. You may never have to translate your humanity through paperwork, countless visa applications and interview appointments. I hope you use this not to separate yourself from others, but to uplift those who live under the same circumstances that once constrained me. But I won’t pretend this citizenship protects you. Not completely. Not when you have my name. Not when those in power still see our people as threats.

One day, you might ask why people are punished for standing up for Palestine, why truth and compassion feel dangerous to power. These are hard questions, but I hope our story shows you this: the world needs more courage, not less. It needs people who choose justice over convenience.

It is nothing but the dehumanization and racist disregard for Palestinians that renders their lives forgettable and that dares describe Palestinian fathers who love their sons as “terrorists”. Perhaps that is why the world so quickly forgot the killing of four-month-old Iman Hijjo in Gaza in 2001. Why did Ahmed Abu Artema’s beloved son Abdullah die hungry for bread? Who recalls the children lost in the Flour Massacre? Where is the justice for the fathers in the West Bank who carefully dress their sons for prison? Why does liberty not visit the bodies of Palestinian children whose limbs are missing, whose ribs are exposed under thin skin and who are born lovingly only to die under an Israeli bomb?

On this first Mother’s Day for Noor, I dream of a world where all families are reunited to celebrate the incredible women in their lives. Many years ago, on one of our very first dates, I had asked your mother what she would change in the world if she could. Her simple response was: “I just want people to be nicer to each other.” Deen, you were born to a mother as gentle as she is fierce. I pray that you live in a world shaped by that kindness. I hope, with all my heart, that you will not witness the oppression that I’ve known. I hope that you never need to chant for Palestine, because it has long been free with dignity and prosperity for all. Should that day come, know that it was ushered in through the courage of those who came before you. I am certain that in this new world, you and I will visit Tiberias together, drink from the river and marvel at the sea. There, in a free and just Palestine, you will see the fruits of our struggle.

Deen, my love for you is deeper than anything I have ever known. Loving you is not separate from the struggle for liberation. It is liberation itself. I fight for you, and for every Palestinian child whose life deserves safety, tenderness and freedom. I hope one day you will stand tall knowing your father was not absent out of apathy, but out of conviction. And I will spend my life making up for the moments we lost – starting with this one, writing to you with all the love in my heart.

*Yaba Deen: “Yaba” (يابا ) is an affectionate term meaning “dad” in Arabic. In Palestinian Arabic, yaba is often used self-referentially to center the father-son bond in the greeting itself. So when a father says “yaba”, he’s using a tender, fatherly voice to address his child, somewhat like saying: “From your dad, Deen” or “My son, from your yaba (dad)”."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.theverge.com/features/641582/final-fantasy-xiv-parenting-essay">
    <title>The fantasy of playing Final Fantasy | The Verge</title>
    <dc:date>2025-05-05T01:22:20+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.theverge.com/features/641582/final-fantasy-xiv-parenting-essay</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["A portrait of the parent as an NPC."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_y2f6Du_rM">
    <title>“To Save and to Destroy”: Viet Thanh Nguyen on New Book Exploring Otherness, Refugees, Gaza &amp; More - YouTube</title>
    <dc:date>2025-04-30T19:47:20+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_y2f6Du_rM</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Pulitzer Prize-winning author Viet Thanh Nguyen reflects on the first 100 days of the second Trump administration, the president’s chaotic trade war, detentions and deportations of pro-Palestinian advocates and more. Nguyen has just released a new book of essays, originally delivered as lectures, that explore otherness and belonging in U.S. history. “I think otherness is a universal condition,” says Nguyen. “I’m sure we all have, at one time or another, thought ourselves to be odd or alienated or not fitting in in some way. But the difference for certain people is that otherness is constantly imposed on us.”"

[transcript:
https://www.democracynow.org/2025/4/30/viet_thanh_nguyen_otherness ]]]></description>
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    <title>The history of family offers a liberating view of custom and love | Psyche Ideas</title>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Chronicling the families of the past shows just how much family values, feelings and decision-making can morph over time"]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://slate.com/life/2025/04/newborn-sleep-parenting-schedule-mental-health.html">
    <title>Parenting advice for newborns: Why disabled parents may have an easier time.</title>
    <dc:date>2025-04-30T02:10:25+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://slate.com/life/2025/04/newborn-sleep-parenting-schedule-mental-health.html</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["How experience with disability helped me love parenting a newborn."]]></description>
<dc:subject>parenting accessibility children disabilities disability jessicaslice 2025 oakland parenthood</dc:subject>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["“It’s like freaking open season,” said a former district employee."]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://annehelen.substack.com/p/what-are-we-actually-talking-about">
    <title>What Are We Actually Talking About When We Talk About Intensive Parenting?</title>
    <dc:date>2025-04-16T19:44:57+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://annehelen.substack.com/p/what-are-we-actually-talking-about</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["What does "child-centered, expert guided, emotionally absorbing, labor intensive and financially expensive" look like today?"

...

"There are similarities between intensive parenting and a hobby — only it’s a hobby you don’t get to choose, other than deciding to become a parent, because depending on where you live, there is an understanding that failing to follow the spoken and unspoken norms of intensive parenting are tantamount to neglect. In some locales, not supervising your kids at all times isn’t just “bad parenting,” it’s illegal — and all the more dangerous if you’re a parent whose race or immigration status makes them far more likely to be targeted by child services.

Intensive parenting, in other words, has been not just normalized, but naturalized: the (best) way to raise a kid, regardless of whether or not its norms are attainable for you.

Some people argue that intensive parenting should be the norm: if you have the time and resources available to intensively parent your kids, then why not do it? Why not give and get your kids “the best”? Why not maximize how many non-work hours you can spend enriching their lives? You had the kid — shouldn’t it be normal to orient your life around their needs?
And this is where the thinking begins to splinter:

- If only people with abundant resources (time, money, mobility, social capital) can intensive parent the “right” way, then other parents without those resources are understood as “worse” parents

- “Doing everything right” parenting-wise leaves little room to think about less tangible components of parenting, just generally, like how to be incredibly present, exploring failure and its rewards, etc.

- Part of children’s developmental process relies on figuring out limits, social hierarchies, and safety outside of direct supervision — so how do you foster independence, curiosity, adventure, bravery, confidence, etc., when less supervision = bad parenting?

- Because parents are exhausted from the norms of constant supervision, they rely on screens to give them a break — but screentime becomes pathologized (another way to be a bad parent) while also not exactly providing the same developmental experiences as being “un” supervised

- And are you even intensive parenting correctly if others don’t observe and acknowledge your parenting? Performing parenthood becomes yet another form of labor on top of the parenting itself.

- Because intensive parenting is so emotionally absorbing and time consuming, its discussion — how you’re doing it, how you should be doing it — becomes the center of your relationship with your co-parent and your other parent friends (I know this seems utterly natural, but it wasn’t always)

- If a kid is high-needs, however you want to understand that adjective — do you even have an option not to intensive parent?

- The denigration of intensive parenting leads to the fetishization of free-range and/or “1950s style” parenting (or before; see: “when I was a kid, I came home to an empty house five days a week and ended up fine”) which sucked in its own ways (and often involved parentification of older siblings)

- Because of the, well, intense demands of intensive parenting, it also creates a tremendous amount of anxiety amongst those equipped to pursue it, because there’s always a sense that you’re not doing it intensively enough (or, depending on your perspective, that you’re doing it too intensely)

- Intensive parenting is highly individualistic — it’s all about “what’s best for our kid,” not “what’s best for all the kids,” an ideological position that contributes to the gutting of public services in favor of private, expensive, and highly controllable options (schools, after-school programs, camps, summer care)

- But what if “what’s best for all kids” is truly shit for your kid?

- If you’re striving for “the best,” that means that some people will always be excluded from the services that facilitate it — which often transforms parenting into a competitive, antagonistic process, instead of a collaborative, community-based one

- “Ideal” intensive parenting requires men to parent significantly more than previous generations, but because intensive parenting is so time and labor intensive, the majority of that labor still falls on women (see especially: mental load/planning components which are central to intensive parenting, like summer camp registrations)

- Intensive parenting norms implicitly position children as a product that can be successfully optimized — you don’t have to say that aloud for the kid to start to understand as much (best evidence: millennials who were intensively parented!)

- But again: what’s the alternative? 

Going through these arguments, I find myself returning to the title of Hays’ book: intensive norms transform parenting into a practice constantly at odds with itself. It is a cultural contradiction. It makes pretty much everyone feel like shit — not just because it makes parenting hard, but because it makes it more difficult to access (or normalize accessing) the resources that would make it easier. It also doesn’t make kids happier, even if evidence does show it makes them “more successful” and wealthier, which are often equated with “happier.”

I’ve tried to peel back the layers of intensive parenting to consider what parenting is even for: we want kids who grow up feeling cared for, safe in the spaces they call home, and free to be who they are. I think most parents would also agree that they want their kids to be kind, empathetic, and curious. How do we cultivate those norms? You can’t optimize a kid’s kindness. You can’t buy into a zipcode that makes your kid curious. In fact, trying to do either will often make them the opposite.

Instead, we group all of those basic desired outcomes into a bucket called “grow up to be happy” — and then interpret “happiness” as “reproducing or surpassing class status.” Which is so very American: when your class status is always in question, when you’re terrified of losing your family’s position or your children falling backwards, you grasp at anything — including and especially parenting norms — that promise security.

To me, the best of intensive parenting is the recognition that kids are humans deserving of care and consideration, not accessories or laborers or afterthoughts. The worst of it is an acute symptom of income inequality that also works to widen the chasm that causes it. Put differently: we intensive parent because being poor in this country is terrifying, but intensive parenting practices also ossify the system in which it is all the more terrifying to be poor.
So now I want to hear from you: what are you talking about when you talk about intensive parenting?

- How do you personally understand intensive parenting, outside of Hays’ definition of “child-centered, expert guided, emotionally absorbing, labor intensive and financially expensive” ?

- What does intensive parenting look like, right now, in the spaces you occupy?

- How has it changed over the last twenty years — or even the last two?

- If you’re parenting a kid with high needs — what do most conversations (including this one) about intensive parenting leave out? What do you wish they’d consider?

- If you’ve worked to reject some components of intensive parenting — what privileges allowed you to do it without fear of being labeled a “bad” parent?

- If your parents are immigrants, how did their parenting practices deviate from or resemble American intensive parenting practices?

- If you’re parenting somewhere where intensive parenting is not the norm — what’s your perspective on how it’s been normalized in places like the U.S.?

- If you’re not a parent but are a part of other parents’ lives (aka, all of us)— what’s hard about all of this to understand, and what would you like to understand better?"]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2025/04/quaker-parenting-research/682277/">
    <title>Quaker Parents Were Ahead of Their Time - The Atlantic</title>
    <dc:date>2025-04-14T01:07:58+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2025/04/quaker-parenting-research/682277/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["The nearly 375-year-old religion’s principles line up surprisingly well with modern parenting research."

...

"The Religious Society of Friends—“Quaker” being a derogatory term, reclaimed—is a hard faith to explain, because it tries to eschew dogma. It’s now possible to be a Muslim Quaker or a Hindu one, or to not believe in any god at all. That said, Quakers all over the world tend to talk about the same principles and take part in some of the same practices. For example, in place of rules, Quakers publish “advices and queries,” which prompt individuals to make good, considered choices. Attendees of Quaker meetings near me were recently asked to ponder: “Do I make my home a place of friendliness, joy, and peace, where residents and visitors feel God’s presence?” The children’s version read: “In what ways am I kind to people in my home?” Certain expectations underlie these questions—that one should try to be kind, for example—but so do curiosity and an openness to differing answers.

As it turns out, leading with questions is a great way for parents to talk to children. Encouraging kids to come up with their own solutions grants them autonomy. And as Emily Edlynn, a psychologist and the author of Autonomy-Supportive Parenting, told me, kids who feel like they have control over their life experience better emotional health, including less depression and anxiety. Fostering kids’ autonomy has also been tied to children building stronger self-regulation skills, doing better in school, and navigating social situations more effectively. Best of all, once kids get used to the self-discipline that comes with exercising autonomy, it can become habitual. Give your kids agency in one area, and they tend to “develop internal motivation even for things that they do not want to do,” Edlynn said, “because they’re integrating the understanding of the ‘why’ those things are so important.”

It can be scary to trust children with independence. But kids are better problem-solvers than some people might think. When my son, at age 10, asked me if he could play laser tag with friends, I asked him how he could avoid pulling a trigger (in deference to the Quaker value of pacifism). He decided to serve as referee. I was proud of him for exercising “discernment,” another Quaker value, all on his own, for listening to his “still, small voice within” and letting it guide him to a solution that satisfied his need for belonging. He is now 13 and recently couldn’t decide whether to accept a babysitting job or relax at home. I asked him, “What do you think tomorrow-you will wish today-you had done?” He picked out stuffed animals to give his charges, spent the evening feeling needed, and had cash the next day when he wanted to buy boba for a friend.

Obviously, real damage could come from giving kids complete autonomy, and Quakerism recognizes this. Early Quaker epistles inveigh against permissiveness, and a 1939 text, Children & Quakerism, quotes William Penn, the Quaker who founded Pennsylvania, saying, “If God give you children, love them with wisdom, correct them with affection.” In other words, pacifism doesn’t mean that parents can’t set boundaries. As a 1967 book about Quaker education, Friends and Their Children, put it, “There is a difference in principle between setting an army on the march and carrying a tired and hysterical child up to bed.” So when my son used to leave toys out, I wouldn’t clean up for him. I’d prompt him to do so: “I see blocks still sitting on the floor.” That was usually enough. When it wasn’t, I would stage a mini sit-in, and we wouldn’t go on with our evening until the blocks were put away—the type of consequence that’s crucial for raising considerate kids. If he hollered, I would “bear witness” to his suffering and “be with” him, silent but unwavering.

In addition to sit-ins, both civic and domestic, Quakers have a tradition known as “spiritual gifts.” That involves treating individual talents as assets that belong to the community and ought to be developed in ourselves and encouraged in others. For parents, this means focusing on what our children choose to do, are good at, and enjoy. You can’t ignore your kids’ weaknesses—but you can spend less energy on them. For my youngest’s terrible handwriting, that meant aiming for legibility and saving the time that could have gone toward cursive lessons for activities that animate her, such as building boats and airplanes from the contents of the recycling bin. Research backs up this approach. According to Lea Waters, a psychology professor at the University of Melbourne and the author of The Strength Switch, focusing on children’s strengths “has been shown to increase self-esteem, build resilience, decrease stress, and make kids more healthy, happy, and engaged in school.”

But perhaps the most important element of Quaker parenting is the edict to “let your life speak.” In practice, that looks like apologizing to your kids freely, saying please and thank you, and, yes, trying not to shout at them. It means acting in accordance with your values, such as when my grandma took me to pack toothbrushes and soap into “kits for Kosovo,” and when my kids make PB&Js for our unhoused neighbors or bring games to a family shelter. The idea, supported by common sense and reams of research, is that kids develop empathy by living it alongside their caregivers. What’s more, another study establishes that knowing that their parents value kindness above achievement protects kids’ well-being.

Infused in all of these practices is the conviction that children are not lesser proto-adults, but fellow beings worthy of respect and agency regardless of their behavior. The closest that Quakers come to dogma is the belief, first expressed by the religion’s founder, that there is “that of God” in every person, children very much included. That’s why, as Friends and Their Children notes, Quakers try to make children feel “welcome at the very centre of life”—a concept quite similar to the “unconditional positive regard” that psychologists today know leads to secure kids. Children who feel valued in this way, and who believe that what they do adds value, generally come to understand that they matter. And a sense of mattering makes kids more likely to be happy, resilient, academically high-achieving, and satisfied with their life, as well as less likely to struggle with perfectionism or addiction, Gordon Flett, the author of the American Psychological Association’s Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents, told me.

So here I am, nearly 375 years after Quakerism’s founding, asking my kids questions, giving them bounded autonomy, and nudging them to invest in their strengths and be stewards of their community—all while communicating that their worth is in no way contingent. Put together, these Quaker practices result in a parenting style considered ideal by psychologists: authoritative parenting. As Judith Smetana, a University of Rochester psychology professor whose work focuses on parent-adolescent interactions, explained to me, authoritative parenting is characterized by the effort to warmly and responsively set limits, and to support kids rather than punish them harshly when they overstep those limits.

Some people might argue that Quaker parents aren’t doing anything special. What is free-range parenting if not oodles of agency? When Quaker parents try to stay calm and acknowledge their kids’ feelings when they act out, aren’t we just doing what the so-called Millennial parenting whisperer Dr. Becky recommends? In telling my teenage son that I see the packaging from his graphing calculator lying on the table rather than in the trash, am I not just following “Say What You See” coaching?

But pop parenting philosophies can be unhelpful, especially because parents not infrequently misinterpret them. Take gentle parenting. At its best, it encourages parents to give kids the respect and empathy they need to thrive. But gentle parenting, at least as it’s presented in Instagram reels, can result in children doing as they please. “What it really leaves out,” Smetana told me, “is the importance of structure and being clear about where the boundaries are.” Many parents are left feeling helpless—a common experience among pop-parenting adherents. In the aughts, a friend of mine tried attachment parenting, an approach centered on enhancing the bond between mother and child with, among other practices, maximum physical proximity. She ended up feeling like a failure each time she put her baby down to use the restroom."

[archived:
https://archive.ph/dg2c4 ]]]></description>
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    <title>The Vanishing Genius - Political Currents by Ross Barkan</title>
    <dc:date>2025-04-07T23:18:15+00:00</dc:date>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["And I think, watching these children from afar, that almost none of them are going to conceive the next Pet Sounds or Song of Solomon or Mulholland Drive. For all the obsessing modern parents do over the fates of their children, they’re happy to toss out an iPad or a smartphone or a Nintendo Switch and let their boys and girls melt, slowly, in the blue light. A person close to me once suggested that wardens should start giving prisoners iPhones because there’s nothing that will more rapidly pacify an unruly and restless population. If iPhones were teleported back in time to the twentieth century, would we have a twentieth century? Much of the mass culture then, high and middle, was birthed, with little exaggeration, in unremarkable New York City public schools. Here’s one era: Paul Simon (Forest Hills HS ‘59, with Art Garfunkel), Carole King (James Madison HS ‘58), Barbra Streisand (Erasmus Hall HS ‘59), Neil Diamond (Lincoln HS ‘58, and attended Erasmus with Streisand), Barry Manilow (Easten District HS ‘61), David Geffen (New Utrecht HS ‘60), and Tony Visconti (New Utrecht HS ‘60). Gerry Goffin went to the more selective Brooklyn Tech and graduated in 1957. Lou Reed grew up in the nearby Long Island suburb of Freeport and graduated Freeport High in 1959. If you’re looking for literary lions, the city public schools have a few, including Arthur Miller (Lincoln HS ‘32), James Baldwin (attended DeWitt Clinton HS), Cynthia Ozick (Hunter College HS ‘46), and Norman Mailer (Boys High ‘39). This is not an argument for sending your precious offspring to neighborhood New York schools—no school anywhere has magic genius fairy dust to make your child into a generational talent—but it is a reminder that these men and women all had parents who behaved very differently than today’s spiritual technocrats. All of these giants, in their youth, had time to dream—and dream grandly. What kind of time do children have now? What about teenagers? Twenty-somethings? Brian Wilson once called music God’s voice and I mull this occasionally, the link between art and divinity and the purpose of a human life. If we want to give honor to something greater than ourselves, we must not squander the potential we do have, the genius we might harbor. To do so would be, if not a sin against creation, then a tragedy. And an avoidable one."

[via:
https://blog.ayjay.org/two-quotations-on-the-effects-of-phones/ ]]]></description>
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<item rdf:about="https://www.christiancentury.org/voices/praise-unruly-children-church">
    <title>In praise of unruly children in church | The Christian Century</title>
    <dc:date>2025-04-02T22:18:56+00:00</dc:date>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Sometimes they’re the only sign of life amid our solemn boringness.
by Phil Christman in the April 2025 issue

Churchgoing is, except for all the other parts, the part of being a Christian that I am worst at. I go, but I don’t like it as much as you’re supposed to. I didn’t like it as a kid, when it involved company that I had not selected for myself and a lot of bad music, and I only like it somewhat better as an adult, when it involves company I have selected and, for the most part, better music. No doubt this is my fault—laziness intensified by ADHD or some other as yet ill-understood cluster of symptoms, but still my fault, one so characteristic that without it I would have trouble recognizing myself.

Except for the handful of years when I have been blessed with truly exceptional priests, people I enjoyed listening to and counted as friends, I would almost always rather read theology and take a walk in the woods. Whatever “religious emotions” are, if I have them at all, those are the circumstances in which I’m likeliest to have them.

No doubt I will outgrow my lack of appreciation for church as such, in this world or the next. Nevertheless, my indisposition has given me—as indispositions sometimes do—a unique vantage point, one that allows me to see particular truths with special clarity while blocking out others of equal pertinence. Here is one of those truths: Unruly children are a gift from God. Kids who can’t behave in church are a sign that God has not yet abandoned us.

Why are misbehaving children such an important part of church to me—so much so that I instinctively shy away from congregations where the kids are too quiet? I’m sure that it’s partly just identification. Sometimes the people who struggle the most with Christianity in their youth, who resist it as a young child runs from a hairbrush, are the ones who find that they can’t abandon that struggle, and such was my case. I was forever being shushed, or reproved, or made to sit in the corner during church school. Sometimes I got in fights with other kids, and I’d get kicked out, made to await punishment in some office while someone alerted my parents to yet another of my failures to behave. So when some kid kicks the pew I’m sitting in, I think, Dude, I get where you’re coming from. Game recognizes game.

I think it runs deeper than this, though. The most obvious fact about children is that they aren’t used to any of this stuff, this being alive. They still get how weird it all is; they haven’t been hypnotized by repetition yet. Babies’ faces, which sort of glimmer between expressions without settling on one, are as close as the human face gets to reflecting the prism of being. Older children have moved past this stage, but we see some of that same discomposed quality in their reaction to church, with its weird rituals—low church or high church, it’s all ritual, and it’s all weird—and its insane claims.

In a sufficiently torpid service—one in which the leaders are running on sheer willpower, as I often am simply in showing up—the ill-behaved kids can be the only sign of life. They are God’s simultaneous recognition of and dissent from our solemn boringness. We intone our prosy liturgical responses, from which the poetry and beauty have often been edited out for the sake of “accessibility” or “relevance,” and God pulls a face. We warble our way through that hymn that sounds like a rip-off of the big number from Les Misérables, and the Holy Spirit blows a raspberry. The liturgy isn’t a dispensable part of this process; we create a structure so that the children can blow it up. You build the altar here so the fire can come down over there, as Charles Williams once said.

Parents whose babies cry too loud, overwhelmed caregivers whose charges can’t stop whispering or squirming or making faces, are the bearers of an uplifting message—although I understand why they can’t, in the moment, feel as though this is true. Not when the diaper already smells full, or when churchgoers more officious than I am are turning to shush the toddler or smile passive-aggressively at the adults. Not when the parents have to worry that other congregants will mutter about their parenting, or say something vaguely racist about “cultural differences in childrearing,” or the other nonsense parents are subjected to at church. Mary and Joseph probably felt pretty stressed out most of the time, too. Carrying the embodied Word is a lousy job; it’s easier to just flap your jaw for a living, as I do. The rest of us should show these beleaguered accompanying grown-ups a little respect. Yes, even that one lady—the one you’re thinking of as the exception to my argument.

Several years and several churches ago, something happened that cinched this point for me. Our church had done a canvass of the working-class neighborhood in which it was situated, and a large group of unattended kids, with their (overwhelmed and overworked) parents’ permission, had started attending. (We may have bribed the children a bit with coloring books and bowls of cereal.) The little knot of people who I sat with ended up being the default babysitters for this group of kids, whose ages ranged from four to 11.

One week, as our rector repeated, for the umpteenth time, the words that accompany the Eucharist, when she got to “He died,” a four-year-old face turned to me, full of shock and horror, and said: “He what?!”

It’s one of the only times I’ve seen someone begin to register what we do and say in church, in all its world-overturning beauty and terror, while sitting in church. It’s more appropriate than anything I’ve ever said in that setting, and more fitting than the inadequate words of comfort that I offered this kid, which were something like, “Yes, he died. But then he came alive again, because he was God. It’s wild!” I was, in that instant, a dull, responsible adult, trying to shovel as much wholesome theological content into my words as I could. I was trying to be adequate to the moment, because that’s what inadequate people do.

She has probably forgotten me and whatever it was I said. But I hope she never forgets what she said. He died. He what?! He rose again. He what?! He loves us, he loves her, he loves me, he loves you.

He what?!"

[via:
https://social.ayjay.org/2025/04/02/phil-christman-in-a-sufficiently.html ]]]></description>
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    <title>Babies Don’t Need to Be Built: Alex Bollen on the Danger of the “Good Mother” Myth ‹ Literary Hub</title>
    <dc:date>2025-03-25T19:07:31+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://lithub.com/babies-dont-need-to-be-built-alex-bollen-on-the-danger-of-the-good-mother-myth/</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA[The Author of “Motherdom” Explores Brain Development, Play, and Why Restrictive Moralizing Hurts All Parents]]></description>
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    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Birth rates are plummeting worldwide – and while this might seem like nothing new – as it has been the case in developed countries for quite some time. The thing that is interesting is that we are seeing declining birth rates everywhere and the standard explanations that you have heard in the past don’t really hold up."]]></description>
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    <title>The problem with parenting interventions in the Global South | Aeon Essays</title>
    <dc:date>2025-03-01T17:58:55+00:00</dc:date>
    <link>https://aeon.co/essays/the-problem-with-parenting-interventions-in-the-global-south</link>
    <dc:creator>robertogreco</dc:creator><description><![CDATA["Early childhood development interventions in the Global South is a huge industry built on highly questionable assumptions"

...

"The way children are cared for varies across cultures. How you feed, talk, play with and educate children is inextricably linked to local values and moral goals. Child-rearing practices vary, depending on the cultural, social, economic and environmental context, without this meaning that one form is necessarily better or worse than others. These insights of cross-cultural research are largely ignored in the scientific literature that guides early childhood interventions. These instead draw on ideas and measures of optimal development in mainstream developmental psychology, a discipline largely based on research by and with Western, especially anglophone middle-class (aka WEIRD), subjects.

This leads to an inevitable result: anything deviating from the Western norm is automatically depicted as negative. Take as an example the Lancet’s ECD study, which suggested that the vast majority of parents in the Global South don’t provide adequate care for their toddlers. This relied mainly on data from UNICEF’s Multiple Indicator Cluster Survey (MICS). The following questions measure the quality of early stimulation and learning: does the child attend an organised learning or early educational programme? Does the child’s household have at least one book and at least one toy? The parents who responded negatively to one of these questions were classified as providing ‘minimally adequate’ care. Those who answered no to both were seen as failing to provide early stimulation and learning opportunities.

Using such questions to assess early stimulation is just like using English to evaluate non-English speakers. They reflect what counts as proper stimulation in a typical Western, urban middle-class environment – those who do not use this grammar can only be found to use no grammar at all. This is because the questions don’t allow caregivers to tell us about the other multiple learning opportunities children encounter in their everyday lives. Toddlers who do not attend a formal educational programme may, for example, be routinely engaged in practices of ‘observing and pitching in’. Such experiences help young children develop attention, responsibility and cooperative behaviour. Were we to assess Western middle-class parents by asking how frequently they encourage toddlers to observe and pitch in in communal activities, they would likely be judged as performing poorly.

Children without a toy or a book at home may still have a rich world available for playful exploration. In many societies, parents allow their toddlers to spend all day outdoors, freely and independently exploring the real world with their siblings, cousins and peers. This provides abundant early stimulation and contributes to the development of different social skills, including autonomy and responsibility. In these contexts, parents don’t need to arrange playdates (another question used in the MICS to evaluate toddlers’ amount of peer contact). Were we to assess Western middle-class parents by asking if they let their toddlers venture alone into the streets of New York, they wouldn’t fare very well.

Due to its Western, urban middle-class bias, early childhood science implicitly promotes Western, urban middle-class skills and behaviours in caregivers and children across the world. In this context, a child has reached their full potential when they behave and think like a Western, urban middle-class child. In much of the literature, this cultural bias is glossed over, and findings are presented as if they were entirely objective: if parents don’t act as expected from urban middle-class Western parents, they are then inadequate caregivers. If children do not perform well on tests measuring Eurocentric skills, based on procedures familiar to Western upper middle-class kids, they can be depicted as developmentally retarded.

The dominance of the Euro-American middle class in early childhood interventions is a direct reflection of its dominant cultural and political position. Given this hegemony, one could argue that perhaps it’s not a bad idea to give children across the world a chance to become proficient in this way of being. If English is the most important language, isn’t it good to learn English? To some extent, interventions follow precisely this logic. An important goal, for instance, is to improve children’s school readiness. The early stimulation, the educational toys and books at home, the intense parent-child verbal interactions: aren’t these suggestions helpful in preparing young children for academic success? Perhaps yes, but only under certain conditions. It may work for the elites in the Global South, who can afford intensive, time-consuming parent-child interactions, and have access to private international schools and the means to send their children to study abroad (ie, in the West). It’s questionable whether such targeted early interventions would be helpful for poor families, who may not even have access to a school that serves their needs and aspirations.

But structural issues are not even contemplated by those proposing these Western ideas. Instead of discussing whether the Western parenting style they promote is even useful under different circumstances, or whether an education system needs improvement, the starting assumption here is one of deficit.

One only needs to look at the most glamorous (and demeaning) argument of all: that people in the Global South need to become ‘brainier’. This focus on the brain is ironic since, among all types of scientific evidence, brain-based claims are the most scientifically elusive. There is no research showing that poor people in the Global South have stunted brains, as that issue of The Economist suggested. Most research about the effects of deprivation on the developing brain comes from studies of children adopted out of Romanian orphanages after the fall of Nicolae Ceausescu in 1989, where they’d had minimal human contact. Most children in the world will never experience such extreme conditions. And yet, the spectre of the stunted brain pervades public imagination. It is a spectre powerful enough for The Economist to devote an entire issue to the ‘problem’ of stunted brains in the Global South, without showing any evidence of brain studies in these countries.

Instead of making grand claims based on scant evidence, perhaps we should stay with what we already know about early childhood development in the Global South: that is, quite little. In the past, similarly unsubstantiated deficit arguments about non-European children and their families justified deeply problematic interventions. We cannot make these mistakes again. Sweeping statements about stunted brains and suboptimal development should be looked at with suspicion, not make the headlines of world-leading magazines. Most important, rather than implementing top-down solutions, and conducting expensive, large-scale surveys and intervention trials, early childhood interventions should place local caretakers’ expertise, needs and perspectives at the centre of their efforts. Parents everywhere are aware of what their children need – and probably have a good sense of how to improve things based on the specific circumstances in which they live. There is no single path to achieving a thriving brain – and no single meaning to it. It is time to acknowledge this."
]]></description>
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